The Day From H-E-double hockey sticks

A friend of mine, Trace, had asked how my boys were doing... and you know when people GENERALLY ask that question, they don't mean it. But for all those out there that really DO want to know... all 1,000,000,000,000th of 1,000,000,000th of a percent of you that reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaally want to know -- here it is... here was MY day today!

My boys… funny you should ask… do you REALLLY want to hear how they are? They're in straight jackets, medically restrained to their beds tonigtht as mommy had ENOUGH today! ;) Synopsis of my day: wake up, make breakfast, spill pitcher of juice in the floor (at the hands of a 3 year old), clean it up – guess today was the day to mop the floor after all, huh? My 3 year old decided he wants to give all the dogs a cookie… so he give them the HUGE ones… (oversized Milk Bones used for SUPER TREATS not just the regular every day kind) right in the middle of my bed… not once, not twice, but THREE sets of cookie crumbs now in the center of my bed because -- God forbid -- the notion of pulling the covers UP just doesn't come to his brain.

Then sometime in the morning I start feeling achey and my nose is running like a faucet. Great... I really have wanted to miss the flu season. I've alrady had my 6 weeks worth of bronchial sickness... with no interest in a repeat.

Suddenly, Drew comes to tell me there's poop in there (I'm thinking he just came from my toilet and didn't flush.) I checked the throne -- oh no such luck. Drew replies, "Oh no no no no mommy, it's dog poop in duh floor." In I go to check and, wow, somsone's stepped in it. Wonder who that could be? Obviously, not me… not the dogs… So the final culprit: Drew, let me see your feet? Oh yes, it's HIS… now to retrace his steps to make sure the carpet gets cleaned…and I notice… it's not only on the floor, it's nicely piled and smushed into the lovely $5,000 drapes that pool to the floor (note to self – this is the reason I always said I hated pooled drapes – they're stupid and are just places dogs can poop)… go get the machine, clean the carpet, clean the drapes… this process takes well over an hour and I think -- wow, wouldn't it be nice to go to lunch with my OTHER kid so that I can get OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I get ready QUICKLY (meaning shower, no make up, and a hat!) and we make it… but of course Drew doesn't want to sit with us… he wants to sit with tables of strange kids that really don't want him around. I think he may have eaten ONE bite of chicken, a few pieces of sliced peaches and he may have drunk a sip of strawberry milk, but that's about it. However, needless to say he's overly stimulated and wants nothing to do with his lunch I've purchased and so he just plays with his brother and his brother's friend, Cam, that's sitting there… lunch is over… we go home and he attempts to take a nap.

Meanwhile I start to have even more of the runny nose that everyone else has complained of lately, the general malaise… the sore throat… the cough…. The body aches… I'm officially in "getting sick" mode. And it STINKS.

We go pick up Josh from school and take him home… do homework… drew proceeds to knock off another container of water off the counter all over the floor, spill an entire bag of pinto beans all over the floor and that dad-gummed moon sand that was invented by the devil.. yes… that's made a spill to the floor now too… I said ... a few choice words, I won't lie because I'm not perfect when I'm like this... I don't know who could be....

Then when I had told Josh to get ready for Karate, he comes down stairs and my little twerp of a 3 year old says, "I'm gonna GET YOU" and he HEAD BUTTS him in the MOUTH? Instant tears - instant bloody lip gushing… so yes, the 3 year old got his first bare bottom whipping from mom tonigt… and I don't think it phased him a bit. Not ONE BIT. I swear I'll have to sever a limb before that child "gets it" as he is THE most apathetic freakin person on the planet and it drives me mad to NO END!

I finally had to explain to my 8 year old (the victim ALWAYS) … HEY… you're letting a 3 year old kick you're a$$... you're taking KARATE… You're learning SELF DEFENSE… if you can't defend yourself from a 3 year old's head… You need to focus and practice some more… if he comes at you like that – haul off and knock the SNOT OUT OF HIM! He'll leave you alone when you actually feel like a threat and not a punching bad that cries and bleeds. Ha ha.. great empathy/sympathy from mom huh?

Wo at this point right now… my boys are lucky I have allowed them to live! Don't you feel better for knowing that?!?! LOL

Well, I hope it was good for a laugh at least. I haven't found the humor in it... yet.