9 years old going on 30?

Yesterday was one heck of a day...

And remember… this is yesterday, after I was on 4 hours with tech support b/c my computer blue screened due to a registry error... Microsoft Outlook data file (ALL my e-mail, ALL my calendar entries, ALL my notes, ALL my contact) were gone! Oh fun!

…Sadie, Josh’s dog, has a thing for… for no particular reason it seems, PEEING on my bathroom rugs??? I don’t know if it’s just the scent from the rubber on the bottom side (the grippy side) or what but it’s ROYALLY horkin' me off because (a) I don’t like to step on cold tile and possibly slip from wet feet; (b) I like my rugs; (c) she is given PLENTY OF TIME all freakin day to go do her business elsewhere and (d) I’ve had to wash at least one of them THREE times in the last 10 freakin' days. So, THAT horked me off!

So I get that cleaned up... fast forward maybe 30 minutes... then SOME DOG (who shall remain nameless but is NOT black and white)… peed in my floor ON THE CARPET right on FRONT of my bathroom. Grrrrr!!! So, out with the huge spot cleaner machine and so I had to clean THAT up. I have a great cleaner but I seriously am getting new carpet in there... I'm just oogied out now. Ewww!

Then yesterday at 5 was Josh's first baseball practice (not ever, just in well over a year). He loves baseball but he didn't play during the last regular (spring) season because he was going to have to give up another activity and he wasn't ready to. He'd wanted to try something new so he was taking karate (and he's done well with that). So, anyway, he'd taken the last season off so really, he hasn't played baseball in well over a year.

And, he never played fall ball, only spring ball. At his practice, he was a completely pouty baby. I was so embarrassed by him… HE is the one that asked to play baseball… I didn' just sign him up… and HE is the one that didn't smile but ONE TIME in 1.5 hours… He acted like he was being FORCED to do everything, he found no joy in any of practice. He acted seriously like he had just had someone shoot his dog before him and then say to him, "Go play baseball." He had NO JOY.

Personally, I just don't think he's cut out for sports in a team environment… Well, maybe it's not that, honestly, he doesn't excel with ANYONE giving him constructive criticism as he is very critical of himself anyway.... isn't this NOT supposed dto happen until they're like... 14?

At first I thought it was just from Andy or myself…but after seeing how he acted yesterday it seems to be ANYONE. He totally needs to toughen up too… unless he truly has some highly over-sensitive nerve condition where someone TOUCHING him hurts (because he's always "ouch" "ouch" "ouch" all the time – Drew hit him with a BALLOON and he was like "OOOOOUUUCH" …??? ) He's just not tough enough.

And I am NOT the over coddling, put band aids on every boo boo kinda mom… it's not me… and him acting like he's going to die, he's going to get pelted with a ball, I'm sure of it… and he's going to think that the world has come to an end. It's highly annoying…. I have no idea what to do… they weren't being mean or ANYTHING… they were like… hey, try this… watch me…do it like this… he'd never pitched before and they were showing him how because it's kid pitch now. And you would have thought they were making him read The Iliad.

I read his arse the riot act on the way to eat afterwards… I'm like… I will have this conversation with you ONE time… ONCE and I never want to have it again. So listen up.

You have to understand, this is the LAST time you will just sign up and just be PUT on a team…. If you want to play spring ball next year you will sign up and then you have to perform for coaches and they will SELECT you to be on their team…AND I don't care if you're the best person on the team, with an attitude like the one you displayed tonight NO ONE will pick you. The kind of attitude you displayed will bring the morale down for the entire team. You guys are there to lift one another up and cheer / root for one another because if one of you succeed, then you all do. The team you are on is good. They came in THIRD last season

… you can't expect to have not played baseball for OVER a year and then come in and be the best person on the team again, that's not going to happen… but you were doing great…. I heard all the coaches tell you that… you were pitching really well also… you'd never pitched before…

And he interjects… but the coach had me come in when that kid was pitching and I only got 2 strikes and he told me to get out and let the other kid bat

I said… if the coach told you to swing just one time, you should have just smiled and said, "okay coach"…. And left it at that…. Stomping to me sitting in my chair to tattle on the coach that it wasn't fair was absolutely ridiculous….

The coach KNOWS how the other boys perform, YOU are the new kid and he wanted to make sure you and the other new kid got equal chances to bat so that he could see what you both could do.

But, regardless of that reason, HE is the coach, you do what he tells you to. If he says run to first, you run to first. If he says take one swing and go on… you take one swing and move on ….

And, most importantly, HAVE FUN. If you aren't having fun, there is no reason to do this… you have enough in your life to be stressed and miserable about when you get grown up and have your own kids…. Being like this now…there is NO EXCUSE FOR IT

I went a step further to say that I wish I'd had a video camera to record your deplorable attitude…. Those kids out there were smiling and having fun doing something they enjoy and you acted like you were walking around with a rock in your shoe…

But I'll make it even simpler for you… if I ever see you act like THAT again…. We will leave and you will never be signed up to play baseball again until you pay for it… and you will forfeit your allowance until your glove, registration and uniform are paid for completely.

I will NOT have that AGAIN.

Momma was pi$$ed let me tell you…

He was so obvious in his pout that BOTH COACHES came over to him asking him what was wrong after it was over… he was just in 1 million times pout mode… it was BEYOND annoying…

... we go eat at Spring Creek BBQ... the boys were great... get home...tuck them in...

I go to walk in the kitchen last night and some little 4 legged kid has POOD in the floor in there!?! I’m like.. WHAT THE FRICK you little $hit$! (pardon my Texan) I was LIVID at that point so much that I was just.... hot... I went to bed...

and so far today...things have been okay...other than the fact that we missed MOPS because Drew has a stomach bug... which ALSO means that we missed swimming lessons tonight. :(

Well, looking back 24 hours, I can laugh about the day – even though it was yesterday… and all my technical issues are now resolved.

I've been talking to my friend Felicia about it... and said that... you know... I don't know what it is… it's like this kid has ZERO self esteem or self confidence. Isn't that sad? I have no idea how to instill that in him… it's maddening!

She said "can you imagine the teenager stuff?" And I said the VERY THING last night… if he won't talk to anyone or won't be honest about his feelings right now... wow... how can I have already "lost him" … that's not supposed to happen till 14 or 15! Right?

I've totally been looking into what is the WHY for this behavior… this kid has everything in the world… so it's not that he's wanting… his emotional tank should be filled as well… ??? I don't know what is so lacking in his life that he can't just have fun and do his best…. ??

That's why I say if you're born with a penis, you're already genetically handicapped. :)

But opening a dialogue with this child to talk about it isn't the easiest task.. I think a lot of his animosity and desire to be perfect is to feel worthy in his dad's eyes because he feels some sort of responsibility in his dad moving to freakin Iowa… I think that his dad NEVER taking the time to attend ANYTHING down here in 4 years also has him feeling a little like… what IS WORTHY of his dad taking his precious time to come have something to do with him… ya know? It's very sad…and I think he's starting to figure it out which is why spending the $$ on counseling may not be a bad idea…because I certainly want him to have an outlet for frustrations and to learn to use words instead of bottling it all up… because that just irritates the crap out of me… I'm a woman…we have to talk about everything or we'll explode.

Prayers for my man please... he needs some!