Just let it go...

I'm not one who has a tendency to hold onto anything that makes me mad, upset, sad, etc. I just say my peace and move on. I just want to feel as if I've been heard and then I can be done with it.

I have been involved in Scouting since Joshua was in first grade. I was the den leader. The Pack I was involved with was a highly active, volunteer-intense, parent-involved group. I loved it. I saw not only the benefits of having my son involved in this organization, I saw the benefits of being a leader and mentor for these boys. I do feel that many children today miss out on getting out in nature. They're inside on their butts fondling remote controls. They're not active. They aren't learning how to be good stewards of our land doing that. They aren't getting any leadership experience. They're not recognized for their reverence. Scouting is that... and SOOOO much more.

Every year, however, as the boys grow older, many of our involved parents were attritioning out with them. Then, a year ago last February, the last of our many involved parents left in mass exodus. At that time, I was wearing more hats for our Pack than I want to admit. I was the newsletter editor, I was the activity coordinator, I was the Cubmaster, I was the Assistant Cubmaster, I was the webmaster. I was the photographer. I was (for a while) the Committee Chair, I was -- in essence -- Pack 317. It wore me out. It stressed me out. I did not enjoy that because while I was all that, I also was still my son's den leader.

Finally one person stepped into be the Awards Chair. Another stepped in to be the Committee Chair. The Awards Chair informed me that she was interested in being Assistant Cubmaster. I was elated. So, the Committee Chair told me he hadn't had a chance to prepare much of an agenda. I spent the better part of three hours prepping an agenda of what all needed to be covered, got the calendar finalized, got the agenda finalized for the membership rally. I knew what needed to be done and was prepared to hand it off in bits to anyone that was willing to take it on.

I show up at the Committee Meeting and basically felt like I was verbally raked over the coals. HE didn't follow the agenda. He didn't address the calendar. HE didn't go over the upcoming summer activity. He didn't do anything but basically tell everyone there how horribly the pack had been run and how the over abundance of e-mail that had been coming out was running everyone off. I felt like every time the Committee Chair made mention of me it was not in any sort of a positive light. I mean, he came out and said how he appreciated all I did but now I was "relieved of my duties as Cubmaster" and he basically said that I inundated people with information and they were all sick of it. HE even went so far as to suggest that I was the cause of people leaving our Pack. Every time he was speaking of the "vast amounts of e-mails" he would never make eye contact with me.

I had lived and breathed and been this Pack for so long... I really just felt like they could all just go straight to Hell in a hand basket. I left there not really knowing what to say but feeling completely and utterly blind-sided. I vowed from that moment on, I was done. And, for the most part, I have been.

After much thought, the main reason for my discontent was that I had been nothing but 100% transparent with everything dealing with the Pack and for them to not only spring that on me that I'm "relieved of my obligations" but that basically they felt like I was doing a crappy job... I felt like a lot of the ideas that he was presenting as HIS ... WERE MINE! They were ideas I'd been preaching all along that no one seemed to see. It was just pathetic.

So, I haven't been to another Committee meeting since. I have no intentions of going back to another one. Leigh, my good friend, was asked to lunch by a group of the ladies involved and they were picking her brain during lunch -- about me. Honestly, I'd prefer not to be the topic of any conversation unless there is someone there that would go to bat for me and on my behalf. Don't talk about people unless they're there to defend themselves. THey were asking her if I was mad. No, I'm not mad (any more). I just got my feelings hurt. I'm sure she told them that. They did tell her that it could have been handled better. You bet your ass it could have been handled better. And, to top it off, I never got an apology. I think that would have made a world of difference. It really would have. I don't think you ever outgrow the need for an apology when someone has wronged you -- and knows they did! The only thing she seemed to let slip when she was talking to me was that they said something to the effect that I just couldn't let it go or let to of it. I have no PROBLEM letting it go but I wanted to be there TO LET IT GO to someone with whom I could HELP if they had issues rather than just let them screw up and let the Pack suffer for it. I was the most highly trained person on the Committee. I knew the rules. I knew the contacts. I have no problems with change of ANY sort, but at least hear why things were done the way they were so you knew WHY things couldn't change or some things SHOULDN'T change.

I got to thinking yesterday and I called Leigh. I'm trying to lead my den on their trek to the Arrow of Light. We will be there by January. They only lack a few simple tasks that will be done in the next couple of months. After reaching that, generally the culmination of events is the final Blue & Gold banquet where the Pack recognizes the Webelos II as they receive their Arrow of Light awards and say bye to the Pack. When I called Leigh, I let her konw that I have decided not to attend the final B&G banquet. I don't feel that Josh will miss anything. At that time, he will have already bridged over into a Troop. He will have already attended a cross-over AND have received his Arrow of Light. The B&G --at that time-- will be strictly for show of the people in Pack 317 and I don't feel the need to be part of that.

I am choosing to spend my time, talents, efforts and attention on genuine people and a Pack that will appreciate me for what I do and what I'm willing to do for the sake of Scouting. I don't play political games and I don't take kindly to being kicked in the teeth when I've done everything I possibly could with the cards I was dealt. So, I have no alliance with them. I'm a member of that Pack as a den leader. I will see that my boys are taken care of as best I can until they cross-over and then I'm done. I don't feel the need to do anything other than that.

Leigh had mentioned to me (I think on accident) that they wanted to do a surprise something for me. At first, they wanted to do a surprise baby shower but that never worked out (which is good, because, after all, I have THREE BOYS... I have ENOUGH boy stuff!) Then they wanted to do something else surprise and I just basically feel like... if they tried to do anything now, it's just because they're trying to say they're sorry in a public way rather than do it personally. I won't let them have the joy in that. I Don't want their attention. It's too little too late. I'm only involved at this point because I have to be for the sake of the boys. I don't want their surprises or their lies. I don't need anything but for my boys to cross-over so I can be done with that Pack.

Honestly, it may sound as if I'm bitter...but it's not that. It's just that I feel they're not the people they made themselves out to be. They're representing themselves as genuine and they're not and I choose to not be involved with riff raff like that. As far as I'm concerned, I'll pray for them but, as it stands, I'm done with them and, I guess it'll just be a surprise for them to see that I HAVE just let it go.