I got to take it in today...

I still get teary eyed and weepy when I look at how much Ben's already grown. How I delivered this handsome little 6 pound 6 ounce miracle of God exactly 12 weeks ago today. Yes, that's right. He's 3 months old! THREE MONTHS OLD ALREADY?! Where does the time go.


I realized tonight, too, that I don't have any pictures of me with him. I'm ALWAYS behind the camera and you know what? I HATE THAT! I am going to start making sure I take monthly (if not weekly) photos with my boys. I don't want the only memory of my time with them by looking of pictures of them looking like orphans because there are not pictures in my scrapbooks of them WITH PARENTS! What's up with that...???


But Ben.. he's my last... I need photos with me and him. I need to remember this time. I need it for me.


I look at how small he is... and then at Drew who I considered my "baby" and see that he (Drew) is SUCH a big boy now... he's growing up so fast. I feel like I just blinked and they're growing up too quickly. I want a pause button for this part of my life. I love the ages and stages they're at. I love all their goofy little habits and insecurities.


Ben... he's finally (in the last week) starting to find his voice. I love how he makes little squealy sounds not only on his exhale but also on his inhale too. I love how when he nurses, he takes the hand on the underside and will systematically pulsate it against my skin or pulse my finger with his other hand... I love his goofy little head... how he's starting to hold it up and it just bobbles to and fro. I love giving him a bath every day so that when the water runs over his hair, I can see that it's CURLY! I'm ecstatic to have a curly haired boy! I love having him next to me at night...


Drew... it's amazing how much he's grown. He's my independent one. Give this child a box of Legos and an instruction manual and he's gone for hours. He's getting better in the last week or so of picking up each of his little explosions before moving on to create a new one. He's in speech still for his "s" and "th" sound. He'll do just fine. He's just gotten lazy with his tongue. Once he remembers, he really does enunciate his words well. We'll get there. I crack up at how he thinks we should eat lunch out every day and how his favorite place is Subway "eat fresh." His favorite sandwich is a ham on wheat with lettuce, cucumber and bell peppers. Cheese? Nope. Toasted? Nope. Mayo? Mustard? Nope. Nope? He's my negotiator. Bath time is over. Ten more minutes? Five. Seven? Six. Okay! He has entered the stage of wanting to wear whatever he wants to wear, most of the time, I let him -- even if it winds up looking like he's a hobo. Just kidding. We don't have anything that looks like that. He just is mismatched and in play clothes to go to places that he should wear a collared shirt and nice shorts. We're working on shoe tieing. He's learning to cut up his own veggies and has discovered he loves zucchini after helping me chop it for a salad the other day. He likes to "do school" and will take blank pieces of paper and write his arithmetic tables down... such an amazing kid. If you raise your voice to him, he is literally heartbroken and will start to cry. He hates for anyone to be mad at him. He, like Josh, really aims to please.


Josh... wow... he's just a tender heart. He's in a position that's unfortunate (being from divorced parents and apparently, having a home at one place and the other trying to entice him to move there). I'm going to put him in counseling. He's going to be going back to Fort Worth Christian this year and I'm excited for him. I know it will be a good change. If he chooses to go back to home schooling after this year, I will welcome the opportunity. I have seen nothing but amazing benefits from homeschooling. We've been able to grow so much closer and I'm learning tons about the kind of person he is. And, unlike others in his life (no names will be spoken here), I think he's turning into an amazing person and I really like who he has and is becoming. He's witty, caring, musical, artistic, funny and ... well, he's pretty darn cute, too! I will say, he's a little messy BUT I don't know many 11 year old boys that really enjoy keeping their room clean on their own without constant prodding from mom. If they are, I think, perhaps, they're abnormal!


...and about today...


Today, Drew has a birthday party to attend at an indoor rock climbing gym. My dad wanted to do something with him before he left town Monday for a golf tourney down south. I hadn't traded in my old pool card for a new one yet so we can't get into the community pool so he took him to the party for me. Thank God! Ben was nursing every 2-3 hours instead of every 4 like usual. Growth spurt. He wasn't happy in his swing. He didn't want to be in the bouncy chair. He wasn't happy in the stroller. He didn't want to be in the bed. He actually was pretty grumpy UNTIL I took him to the rocking chair. At that point, he did that crazy eye thing babies do where they have rapid eye movement and then are instantly out like a light. He wanted to be held and rocked in the chair. I leaned the chair back and let the kiddo sleep... for 2 hours! I held this wonderful, beautiful little man for two hours and took it all in. It was great!


So.. with Josh up in Iowa tonight...sending me text messages with misspelled words, Drew wanting to swoon over his little brother (as always) and Ben being the little one left to hold... I'm going to go rock my baby to sleep.