Sunday Stealing - The Scary Meme

It's time for a very spooky Halloween edition of Sunday Stealing! They're taking a break from our 100 questions this weekend, and get into the spirit. Muhahahaha Are you going to be Trick-or-treating this Wednesday? Turn out the lights, light a candle… Cause here we go!


1) What do you think is the best costume for Halloween? I've seen several that were very clever.  Personally, I am more about the quality costumes than the cheap-o store bought ones.  However, my friend Laurie was eight months pregnant one Halloween and went as a nun.  I thought that was hilarious.  I saw a woman dressed as a pumpkin and her husband had on a sweatshirt that said "Peter Peter."  Again, quite clever.  My favorite costumes I've ever seen were at the Boo at the Zoo at the Fort Worth Zoo with this one family.  Dad was Frankenstein, Mom was the Bride of Frankenstein and their son was Igor.  It was AWESOME.  Their costumes and make up were top of the line!  

 2) What would an alien think of humans if it came to Earth on Halloween? Let's overthink this, shall we?  If there is a superior intelligent life form i'm going to assume, then, that it has been studying us, our kind and our planet... not just sending an arbitrary probe craft hoping that it intercepts "life" somewhere.  Therefore, as such, it would already be aware of our holidays and customs.  Unless said alien went to some third-world country where such festivities were not celebrated.  We can't just assume that it would end up in North America where the holiday is probably most popular. 

 3) Who would you haunt? Man, that's a great question... I think it's safer to say whom WOULDN'T I haunt?  I would LOVE the opportunity to mess with people... you know the whole idea of being the responsible party for things that go "bump" in the night.  However, spending your eternity in a perpetual state of "haunt" hardly seems like a fun way to endure.  I think I'd rather just die and be done with it.  

 4) Are you afraid of the dark? Only if I've just watched a creepy movie... 

 5) Do you pass out candy, or hide with the lights off? Typically, I'm out trick-or-treating with my middle kiddo.  I may pass off that duty to the oldest this year since it's on a school night.  I'm not sure how it will play out yet since he really has no interest in trick-or-treating anymore.

 6) What Scary movie do you like best? I'm not sure to be honest.  30 Days of Night is truly one of, if not, the best vampire horror movies I've ever seen.  However, this asks which one I "like"... so that would probably be the answer since it's my initial reaction.  

 7) If you had to wear a costume for a week, what would you be?  I like the idea of being a housewife... .slippers, bathrobe, pajamas, shower cap.... I could totally pull that off... and be completely comfy!  Ha!  Or I could be a lumberjack --- boots, jeans, flannel!  

 8) What do you think about Ouija boards? They're absolutely the most stupid, idiotic, ridiculous piece of "spiritual paraphernalia" on the market... I put it right up there with Tarot cards, fortune tellers and reading tea leaves.  Hell, I'd put more stock in Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network than I would in an Ouija board.

 9) Have you ever told ghost stories around a fire? Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

 10) Trick? or Treat? ...clearly it would be dependent upon who is dishing them out... 

 11) Have you ever been in a haunted house? There is a family rumor that my grandmother's house was haunted by a little boy -- 5-6 years old who died there.  I never saw him but I did stay at her house.  Does that constitute a "haunted" house?  I don't know, but I did stay there.

 12) What would you do if you saw a ghost? Honestly, I'm not 100% sure.  Why am I not sure?  Well, since I've never SEEN a ghost, I'm not certain that I would BELIEVE that it WERE a ghost in the first place.  I would probably try to completely discount and debunk whatever it was that I saw.

 13) Question 13, should we have skipped this and jumped to 14? Only if you're truly superstitious.  I am not... in the least bit... one iota... superstitious   

 14) Are you brave enough to walk into a grave yard after dark on Halloween? I don't think that would constitute bravery... unless it's just whether or not you want to be stupid enough to risk going to jail for trespassing.  However, assuming arrest is out of the question, yes, I would not have an issue whatsoever with walking through a graveyard after dark on Halloween, or any other evening...so long as I had a light source in order to not trip over gravestones -- I'd like my teeth to stay in my mouth, you see.

15) Do you like chocolate? what kind?  Yes.  Dark.  MMMMMmmmmm...

16) Who would look better in a clown costume? Obama or Romney? Well, one is already a clown and he has been running our country as if it's his own three-ring-circus, so giving him the costume would only be appropriate. GO ROMNEY!

17) Are you in the path of Frankenstorm? No... but I do have family in Boston and friends in New York.

18) Post a link to any other blog:  This is a link to a dear friend of mine who is a published author and is MOST entertaining!  http://valeriekingbooks.com/

Saturday 9 - Over the Rainbow

It's time again for...

...drumroll please... 

The Saturday 9.  This weeks' topic:  Over The Rainbow



1) Do you ever fantasize about flying, beyond the rainbow or anywhere else? Absolutely.  I think having dreams of going to far away places... it gives you goals... it can relax you... it can motivate you... it could even inspire you... make you creative.

2) Do you think you have seen The Wizard of Oz more than 10 times? Absolutely!  I lived to watch that show every single year when it came on television as a child.  It was an event!  I grew up in a time when they actually advertised shows that the only way you COULD see them would be to watch them the very date they were aired.  It was a truly special family time, too.  I remember a few years having my best friend, Shannon Fry, at the house and we'd watch it together.  Good times.... Good times.

3) Which Wizard of Oz character would you most like to dress as for Halloween?  I think the evil witch would be more suited to me so long as I didn't have to mimic that voice.  It really makes me want to kick puppies.  I do have a thing for pony tails so Dorothy would obviously be fun.  Plus, having a cool pair of sparkly Mary Janes would be fun.  Glenda the Good Witch ... meh... so not my style.  Lion -- too hairy.  Tin Man -- too stupid.  Scarecrow -- too itchy.  Toto -- too black.  Munchkins -- too munchkin-ey.  

 4) What will Trick or Treaters get when they come to your front door? Right now, nothing.  I'll have to hit up the grocery store on Wednesday I suppose.  I generally do a mix of chocolate and   sticky, chewy, bad-for-your-teeth stuff.  I know it's safer to buy the things that you, yourself, won't consume just in an effort to keep you out of the candy.  I just find it's easier TO not buy any candy ahead of time.  That way, there's no will power involved.

5) Did you ever TP a neighbor's house or indulge in other acts of Halloween vandalism as a kid? (Don't worry, that statute of limitations is up.) Nope.  My mom was a cop.  I'm not an idiot.

6) Who annoys you more -- people who never respond to your texts/emails, or those who never look up because they're always checking their texts/emails? Ooooh, that's a good one.  Well, the hubs is in the first category and the son is in the second.  I'll say, I'm equally annoyed.  

7) Who was the last person you hugged? Benji... and this was after he punched me in the nose as I went to give him a goodnight kiss.  He's SO pleasant.  

8) What two colors do you like to wear together? White with either black or brown.

9) Did your alarm clock wake you up this fine Saturday morning?  Nope.  5am up on my own.

Friday Fill Ins

It's time yet again for Friday Fill-Ins.

And...here we go!

1. Oh, that I could learn to ask for and accept help when it is offered instead of being adamant about doing everything myself.
 
2. It's a sure sign of fall in Texas when the temperature drops below 80. 


3. Are we having a headache again??!. (I'm afraid the answer is yes, however, it's not a big one... and I am not going to sweat it!  Not today!)

4. My heart is full of love.
 
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, ghosts, following your gut instinct? I do! 


6. I'm a stubborn, opinionated, educated, non-sugar-coating, honest, loving, loyal, word-lovin', book-readin', mountain lovin', scrapbookin', photographin', weight liftin', southern girl who loves to cook, camp, spoil those I love, wear fleece and flannel, enjoys the cold, a hot cup of Earl Grey with honey, and appreciate the simple things... and the power of words.  

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to absolutely NOTHING -- may I say that again?  NOTHING!  I have NOTHING ON MY AGENDA for tonight and I'm SO SO SO VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT!, tomorrow my plans include a Halloween party in our cul de sac and Sunday, I want to watch my Broncos defeat the Saints!

Sunday Stealing

It's time again for Sunday Stealing!  The blog where they steal memes from other bloggers (who have probably stolen it from other bloggers) and so on and so forth.

Sunday Stealing: Who Are you? Part 2–The Grown Up Meme Part 2: Growing Up

 15. How would you describe your childhood in general? "I was born a poor black child."  Hee hee, okay, no I wasn't but I recently saw The Jerk and so that was the first thing that popped in my head.  In general, I remember sleeping late, green shag carpet, white walls, a pinball  machine, family nacho night watching "Carter Country", playing with my best friends until mom flashed the porch lights for us to come in.  We lived each day to the fullest trying to have the most amount of fun possible -- the entire street was outside playing flashlight tag, freeze tag, hide-and-seek.  We lived for the sound of the ice cream truck coming down the street -- not a worry or care in the world.  Just as a childhood should be.

 16. What is your earliest memory? I remember when we lived on Cunningham (I had to be 4 years old, maybe) leaving my box of crayons outside in the sun and they all melted together at the top (not the paper, however) into one big blog of a crayon.  

 17. How much schooling have you had? Not enough!  There is always room for more learning. I think when you stop desiring knowledge, you begin to lose your thirst for life.

 18. Did you enjoy school? For the most part, yes.  However, there are always dipshidiots in every crowd that are worthy of a throat punch. 

 19. Stop and count, Since you were born until today; how many homes have you lived in? Well, I have no idea where I actually lived when I was born, but including that place (wherever it was)14.  Wow that's a lot of moving.  Yuck.  

 20. While growing up, did you have any role models? My mom.

 21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? We all got along great... well, I mean, as good as two sisters CAN get along.  It wasn't until I became an adult and realized that I don't have to BE in a relationship with someone that really, truly doesn't like me just out of obligation... and so now we don't get along... well, to be more specific.  We just don't.  There is nothing to get along about since we don't communicate whatsoever.

 22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A police officer or a librarian.

 23. What were your favorite activities 3 years ago? Scrapbooking, sleeping, camping, cooking, reading.  Hey, guess what, they're still the same!

 24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? OCD.  :)  I like things organized.  I was a list maker from the earliest of ages.  I was also bossy.  

 25. As a child, were you popular? I had many friends.  I don't really know about the label.  

 26. When and with whom was your first kiss? Michael Bates, 4th grade

 27. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. That is an epic novel in and of itself.  I will just say that if you don't learn and grow from all your experiences -- both good and bad -- you're a waste of oxygen. I don't really want to get specific in that it's all water under the bridge and I feel no need to rehash anything.

 28. What’s next?  I believe that would be #29, but I could be wrong.  ;)

Saturday 9 - The End of Innocence

It's time again for --- drumroll please... the Saturday 9.  This weeks' topic:  The End of Innocence




1) "The End of the Innocence" is one of Crazy Sam's favorite songs. Do you like it? Loathe it? Or is it before your time? Being a huge fan of Don Henley, I love it.  I think everyone longs for the nostalgia of the years gone by -- I know I certainly do.

2) Obviously Don Henley was a smoker back in the 1980s. Do you smoke? Are you a former smoker? Or did you never start? I do not smoke.  I have never smoked.  I think it's disgusting... it makes your breath smell.  It makes your teeth yellow.  It makes your clothes and hair drenched in the wretched stench of smoke.  I dislike going to clubs for the very thought of leaving there smelling like an ashtray.  

3) Childhood is generally considered an innocent time. In what town did you spend yours? Irving, Texas.

4) Do you abide by "innocent until proven guilty?" Or did you come to your own, pre-trial conclusions about famous defendants like Casey Anthony and OJ Simpson? I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinions.  Everyone -- even the litigators -- have their opinions.  I've been in the legal field.  It's a game.  By law, they have to act out the whole "innocent until proven guilty" concept... what I hate is the fact that damning evidence can be lost on a technicality.  As such, I believe that the judicial system is a complete freakin' joke.  OJ was guilty.  I don't care what anyone says.  Casey Anthony -- to be honest -- I didn't follow one iota of that trial so I never had an opinion.

5) Is there an old TV show whose cast you'd like to see reunite? Nope.  Tv sucks.

6) Do you know how to ride a horse? Absolutely.

7) You're ordering ice cream. Cup or cone? Cone. 

8) Do you believe a gentleman should help a lady with her coat?  Hmmm... I honestly never really thought of that.  I guess if he's looking for some brownie points, sure.  But otherwise, a woman should be quite able to handle her own dressing of outerwear.  Perhaps if he's bringing her the coat he can just help her into it but ??? I don't know.  I am usually too busy helping little people with things that I just grab mine and generally don't even worry about it.  

9) Which search engine do you use most often? Dogpile or Google.  

Friday Fill-Ins

It's that time again!  Time for Friday Fill-Ins!  Yea!  And...here we go! 

 1. I hope I can get a great week in at the gym this coming week. 

 2. What to do when my two-year old wants nothing more than to throw every.single.thing.he.touches.on.the.floor!!!!!!! 

 3. Boy I sure did enjoy my weekend in Fredericksburg.  I need another one STAT! 

 4. Remind me to call the animal shelter to schedule Lucy's surgery.  She's getting fixed!  This chick is NOT dealing with a dog in heat.   

 5. What does the weather look like for this weekend... in Estes Park... Siiiiigh...highs in the 60s and lows in the 40s... perfect! 

 6. It makes me sad to think of all the dipshidiots out there (thank you Greta!) whose vote counts just as much as mine... who are not only misled and uninformed as to the issues but they're also extremely grossly uneducated on any sort of international policy.  If you can't identify members of Congress, know whom to contact in the Senate, the House.... what PRECINCT you live in for City Council even... you shouldn't be given a chance to vote because you're not voting based on anything that matters.  We should set up a nationwide day of Bingo instead for such folks.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a Rockies baseball game at 6 (Go DREW!!!), tomorrow my plans include taking Drew to his best friend's house for a sleepover and then watching Benji while Andy attends a family funeral.  Later that evening I'm going to attend a football game.  And not an ordinary football game, either, mind you.  No, this football game will be played by members of my high school who apparently want to have an Al Bundy moment and relive their glory days.  I'm so wishing I were an orthopedist about now.  Regardless, it will be fun (for a little bit).  Then, I must go!  And Sunday, I want to enjoy spending time with my sister who is in town from Boston and is coming over for lunch! 

It's Officially Lost

... apparently, I wasn't.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you do something that is SO ridicuslously absurd and  asbsent-minded that you're certain you'd with the million dollar prize from America's Funniest Home Videos should someone actually have the cameras rolling?

You haven't?

Oh... well, you're not human then... move along inanimate object!!

Since I make a habit of pointing out the follies of my fellow Facebookers...

or Wal-Martians...

or those who go Krogering in turquoise bike shorts without underwear...

I feel it only appropriate to allow those near and dear to have a moment to laugh at my expense.  Nothing is too good for YOU, after all, is it?

My dear friend did some computer work for me and I needed to make payment so I was gathering my thoughts, crating animals, bribing said animals with dry, hard, Milkbones when they chose to refuse to crate up, and then the unthinkable happens -- the phone rings.  You know when the phone rings and you're home alone you answer it!  Right?

Well, if you're me you do because most of your conversations when there is someone else on property revolves around diapers, doo doo, milk and rockets.  It's company.

So, I'm engaged in conversation as I continue on my quest to leave promptly.  I jot down the address to my destination (not the directions, mind you, just the address).  I ensure locked doors.  I check the lights. I continue the conversation.  I walk to the garage, open the garage.  I get in my car. I back out.  I watch the door shut.  I drive down the road and then the call is lost.

Dangit!!!  Just when I'm finding out the good stuff, too....

...which, by the way, reminds me of a story about my grandpa -- he was an ornery old fart.  There was one television in that house.  If he came in, it was his. Period.  Exclamation mark.  Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.  It was his and you need to surrender the coveted spot on the couch and be gone.  But this time, I had been watching an old classic and it was at the pivotal climax with about 20 minutes tops left.  He walks in and CHANGES THE MOTHER LOVIN' CHANNEL!  Seriously, y'all, I could have flipped out... but I did what any normal 8-9 year old would -- I cried.  Then my grandmother took me to Braum's and got me an ice cream.  I still never got to see the end.  I'm truly scarred for life I believe.  So, if you ever touch the remote when I'm watching something, be prepared to lose a digit... or a hand... or your arm... or be singing soprano because I'll kick ya square in the kahonas!  I'm big enough now to know you don't screw with the climax!  It leaves you hangin' and quite possibly scarred for LIFE!

(And all y'all dirty minds, get your head out of the gutter.  We are talking literary story lines here!)

Anyways, carrying on...

So, I'm on the phone, I back out.  I drive away and when the cool part of the information comes out, my phone goes dead.  I look down thinking I should just reconnect... BAM

That's when it hits me!

This over-tasked mama walked out the door on the CORDLESS HOME PHONE which apparently loses a connection when you DRIVE DOWN THE STREET!?!

Thud!

Facepalm!

I was laughing so hard... and I was validated that yes, I am officially "losing it."

(It was, however, nice to be under the impression I "had it" to begin with.)

Carry on.

Sunday Stealing

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Stupid people.  I have a sign in my scrapbook room "God must love stupid people -- he makes so many of them."  People are just stupid.  End of story.  

2. Where and when were you born?
I was born December 20, 1972 in Dallas, Texas at Baylor Hospital at like 1 or 2 in the morning

3. Where did your parents meet?
I'm going to assume at the Dallas Police Department where they both worked.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like in four words? 
Yes.  I have a half-sister who gets pissed if I CALL her my "half-sister."  But, if you want to get technical, that's what she is.  What is she like in four words.  I haven't spoken to her in about 5 years.  However, to sum her up now in four words:  she is a stranger.  

5. Where do you live now, and with whom?
I live in a house on a street in a city in Texas with three young tri-pods and one old tri-pod and three four-legged fur babies.... and a partridge in a pear tree.  Or is it Pair?  Is it a pair of pears  ;)

6. What is your occupation? I am awesome.  It's a full time job.  In my spare time I'm Batman.

7. Write a full description of yourself. See the answer to #6.  If you really have questions about what "awesome" is... I suggest you seek a more formal education as you were duped into believing you had a clue.

8. To which social class do you belong? I belong to the membership of persons who lack class... which is why I have so many friends. 

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? I am allergic to stupid people.  I have no diseases other than being a hopeless romantic -- I've heard there's no cure.  I have a few physical weaknesses... strong shoulders... meaningful eyes... strong hands... they can literally and physically make me weak. 

10. Are you right- or left-handed? It really depends on what I'm doing.  However to write, I utilize my right hand.

11. What does your voice sound like? I hate my voice.  I think I sound like a 12 year old.  Apparently, I do because when telemarketers call and I answer, they ask to speak with my mom.  I tell them she's still at work.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Most aren't things you would say in polite company.  I use the term "horked" as in "That really horked me off."  It isn't a real word, just one that I made up and use.  "You're grounded" seems to be a phrase that is repeated often under this roof.  "Do you have doodoo?"  (Hey, it asked!)

 13. What do you have in your pockets?  No pockets.  Sorry to disappoint.

 14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?  If they're mine, then they're not quirky and strange, they're unique characteristics.  Right?  So, of COURSE not! 

Quirks -- Gosh that's hard to identify.  I am a huge quirk.

Strange mannerisms -- nothing out of the ordinary that I would consider strange.  

Annoying habits -- I don't have annoying habits but I can certainly give you a laundry list of ones that annoy me!  :)

Defining characteristics -- For me to point out characteristics that define ME seems rather arrogant.  I'm not comfortable with that.  I would rather survey those near and dear to me to see what they say  -- but then -- I may not like WHAT they say and I'd lie about it anyway.  

Saturday 9

This week's topic:  Ain't No Other Man




1) Do you believe there's only one person (and there ain't no other) for you? Or do you think we can truly love several partners over the course of our lives?  I think that love can exist in many forms, with the same or different persons... it just depends on the state of evolution in your relationship or if you've entered the realm of predictable platitudes in which palates can become monochromatic.

2) Do you have this, or any other, Christina song on your iPod/mp3 player? I've got several of her songs on my Zune.  I have Ain't No Other Man, Beautiful, Candyman, Dirrty, Fighter, Genie In A Bottle, Keeps Gettin' Better, Not Myself Tonight, and What A Girl Wants

 3) Christina Aguilera won a Grammy for her performance of this song. What do you deserve an award for? And who would you thank in your acceptance speech? If I were to receive an award that is rightfully deserved it would have to be for not single-handedly killing stupid people that seem to flock to my presence in droves.  I'm talking about the douche bags that are not only ignorant but just plain dumb.  In my acceptance speech I would have to not thank anyone but blame Bush.... you know, because that's just what we're apparently supposed to do instead of owning up to what we do in this country. 

 4) Christina Aguilera has her own brand of perfume. Do you have a fragrance or scent you regularly wear? I absolutely love a perfume which is, unfortunately, no longer produced called Escada Collection.  It has a vanilla undertone which I adore!  I can't stand anything powdery, musky, floral or spicy.  I have a very limited palate which I can stand. My olfactory device seems to be quite sensitive.  Half the time if I want to smell nice, I just spray on some Warm Vanilla Sugar body mist from Bath & Body Works because that's my favorite. :)  Simple.  That's my "go to" scent.

5) Do you have any allergies? Yes, see #3 above.  Stupid people.  I'll add to that list:  whiny kids.  I'm also allergic to people who wear clothes that show their bra straps and panty lines.  I think I'm allergic to jerks and children that don't pick up after themselves, too.  That has a tendency to  send me into constant fits of rage making me want to consume copious amounts of Diet Coke, hold them ransom for fresh blueberries and then ship them off to friends' homes for the night so I can drink myself into a stupor.  Ok, that last part is complete bullshit.  But I'll put a dent on a big ole Route 44 Unsweetened Peach Tea from Sonic, yes I will!

 6) There's an older lady who proclaims during a TV commercial, "I will give up beer, bread, wine or soda but I won't give up Life Alert!" No, we're not going to debate her diet. Instead the question is: What are some of the staples that are always on your grocery list? Wow, my inner dork just may surface here but... here ya go.  Skim milk, whey protein, ground flaxseed, steel cut oats, honey, Dannon Lite and Fit vanilla yogurt, Bear Naked vanilla yogurt, strawberries, bananas, grapes, apples, something from the citrus family, every vegetable known to man, rotisserie chicken, raw spinach, sugar free bread, ground turkey... I'm sure there are others but that's what's on the old cranium at present.

 7) What's your favorite sitcom of all time? Seinfeld.  Hands down.  Nothing else comes close.  Period.  Exclamation Point.  End of story.

 8) When it comes to your socks, do you prefer solids, stripes or prints? I don't really care so long as they're comfortable and work well with running shoes.  That being said, they're generally Asics in white with some kind of colorful symbol on the back.

 9) At what age do you consider a person "middle aged?" And when do they transition to "old?"  Not only to I freakin, f'n, frackin' hate this question.... I resemble it and it sucks.  I think 40 is middle aged.  40-59 is middle aged.  Once you hit 60, you're old.  Period.  Bleh.  

Friday Fill-Ins

It's time again for Friday Fill Ins!  And...here we go!

1. If you never take that first leap of faith, you never really know what your true destiny holds.

2. When you're unsure of yourself, remove yourself from the equation and put your children in the scenario.  Then decide how your advice to yourself should play out.

3. Why is it so friggin hard to do one gosh dern pull-up when my son can do like 18 of them.  It seriously just pisses me off.

4. Soon I will actually go to the grocery store.  I'm out of EVERYTHING so I shan't confess what kinds of crap I have been consuming in the meantime.

5. Wow! It's almost Christmastime.

6. You said it wasn't supposed to rain this weekend!!  I hope you're right!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hearing how my Drewster did at his (very late) baseball game, tomorrow my plans include driving to Lake Bridgeport to enjoy some camping with the Cub Scouts (and Boy Scouts) and going on the Haunted Hay Ride (mooo ha ha ha ha hah!) and Sunday, I want to have an uneventful ride home, unpack, sit down and relax (in that order)!

Sunday Stealing

Welcome to Sunday Stealing.  A blog that posts memes they steal from other blogs... which have probably been stolen from other blogs.

1. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? I'm not sure I really have any "true" nicknames other than what my children call me.  Typically those are indicated by the extensive overuse of the short "o" sound in "Mom" as in "Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom."  Friends have called me "Ape" but I prefer "hot stuff".  It never stuck though.  Pity.  

2. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: This is truly another question I hate to answer.  Why?  Not for any reason other than I really don't like what I drive.  Sure it's top of the line.  Sure it has all the bells and whistles -- DVD players, satellite, heated seats, yadda yadda yadda.  And, while I'm intelligent enough to realize that while a car doesn't DEFINE you as a human, they certainly posess the capabililty to suck the cool out of your life.  I drive a Chrysler Town & Country Minivan.  Sigh.  Bleh.  Next question?

3. BEST DATE YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON? (IF MARRIED, before your present spouse) Hmmm... I would say that it was probably a day trip to a quaint shopping district to window shop, share some pizza, a couple of beers, followed by a crazy stupid, yet classic movie and a Cape Cod.  Laid back, relaxed, no pressure, no fluff... simple is way under-rated.

4. WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tears ran down my cheek.  Why?  Does something different happen to you?  

5. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB? WHAT WAS THE JOB? I was on the job winter 1996 (I think) at the El Paso County Sheriff's Office for 2 days straight when a freak blizzard moved in leaving it not only impossible to leave work, but also impossible to drive home... for others to get INTO work... for deputies to help those in need (there were 15' snow drifts)... it was crazy bad.  

6. FAVORITE MOVIE? I'm not real good at picking favorites.  These type of answers generally depend on my mood, audience, time allowance and, even then, would be next to impossible to narrow it down. Sorry.

7. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SANG IN PUBLIC? WHAT DID YOU SING? The last time I sang behind a microphone was when I sang with Del Rio when Willie Nelson was at Billy Bob's.  Since then it was just being silly, singing Christmas carols, embarrassing my children or being a dork singing Happy Birthday to someone.  Nothing exciting there.

8. WHAT WAS YOUR LAST FIGHT ABOUT? I don't fight.

9. WHAT STUFF DO YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT? As a general rule, I never leave the house without my cell phone.  Everything else is pretty disposable.  I'm rather low-maintenance.

10. FAVORITE ITEM OF TECHNOLOGY? See the answer to #9 above.

11. FAVORITE WEB SITE? Webster's dictionary.  Truth!

12. DO YOU SMOKE? Nope.  I actually was thinking how much I hated being near people who do because they just stink.  Sorry, smokers.  Your habit stinks, literally!

13. IN YOUR EXPERIENCE, HAVE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORKED? I can't say that I've ever been in one... other than when I was engaged to my ex -- and, well, just by that title alone you can see how that turned out! Ha!

14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? Do I believe that the alignment of the planets and stars has a direct impact on the happenings here on Earth?  Absolutely not.  With that in mind, I do believe, however, that the moon and rotation of the earth does affect the tides.  Astrology, to me, seems more like something people read for fun or entertainment, nothing more. I might even be compelled to consider it a superstition rather than a belief.  Horoscopes are so stupidly generic, you'd have to be a dolt to put any stock in them.

15. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON WHO CALLED YOU? Amy

16. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?  I deleted it.  Whoops, sorry.  My bad.  (That's not what the text message said.... I'm just saying that I deleted it.  LOL)

17. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: I'm wearing my favorite black Kenneth Cole leather mules, black Gold Toe socks, Gap jeans, a wife beater, a black long sleeved button up henley and a black plaid LL Bean flannel shirt.  I LOVE FALL!

18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?:  Fall (so long as it's chilly...otherwise winter.... but it'd certainly depend on winter WHERE as I like a Colorado winter...but not sure I'd like an Alberta winter!

19. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? SNOW!  Skiing!  Campfires!  Jeans!  Christmas!  My birthday!  

20. DO YOU THINK WTIT IS COOL OR OVERRATED? Does it matter?

21. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND? Camping

22. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE? Batman

23. WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST REGRET? Taking the red pill.  

24. ARE YOU SMILING? WHY? Yes.  Because that is a total bull shit answer (#23).

25. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE? Estes Park, Colorado - -FOREVER!

26. DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT? LOL.... (thud).. (shut up... you know who you are... laughing at that reply right along with me!). Um... No.

27. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE IN PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? Yes.

28. LAST THING YOU WATCHED ON YOUTUBE? A commercial about a dad flying from the East Coast to see his daughter marry her girlfriend.

29. WHY DIDN'T YOU DECIDED TO TAKE OVER STEALING?  Apparently, because I suck.

Benji... at Wal-Mart

There are a multitude of reasons why moms should just never take average, ordinary children shopping at Wal-Mart.

Take those reasons and compound them over a year's time.  There you shall have the factual data which would provide you with adequate proof of why you just should never take Benji to any public places -- let alone Wal-Mart.

It is Saturday.  College football day.  Big whoop.  I'm sorry.  I realize there are so many idolizing fans who worship the pig skin.  I just don't happen to be one of them.  Frankly, I couldn't give a flying flip less about a bunch of jocks in tight pants jumping on one another.  Granted, I'll watch a game from time to time but my life and my fun and my Saturdays aren't prone to revolving around ANYTHING that even remotely has to do with football.

However there is a pig head in my house.  I mean, a pig-skin head.  Not a skin-head... let's just make that clear from the get-go.  Stated differently, I have a football fanatic in my home.  (That's somewhat of an understatement, just so we are being honest.)

I needed to go to the store.
I said I was going to the store.
I received "the look."

I know this look quite well.  He receives it daily the instant he walks in the door.

At first, I didn't care.  However, I'm not a fan of the backlash that generally brings (even if I imagine it) so I chose to take Mr. Benji with me.  Mistake number one.  Your gut told you NOT to take him with you.  LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

However, I had a set grocery list.  It wasn't that long.  I'm supermom.  I can do this, right?

Unfortunately, everyone who regularly does household shopping knows that when you haven't been to the store in a while and you're making a short list just to get you through a couple DAYS you are BOUND to see and pick up the things that forgot to make it upon said short list.  I firmly believe Wal-Mart's livelihood depends upon lack of planning like this, right?

So, I set out with Benji in the cold and realized it was now starting to sprinkle.  Oh boy.  A two-year-old, the rain, the cold, the wind and Wal-Mart.  What could POSSIBLY go wrong?!

Right?

Brace yourselves, it gets better.

In the grocery store parking lots, I'm not one to drive around for a close space.  My legs work jsut fine.  So, I park far enough out but still near a buggy collection corral.  I grab a cart so that I could insert the buggy cover, the kid, get him settled and review my list.  The wind is whipping something fierce.  He's cold.  He's fussy.  The cart seems to pull a little .... No, it pulls -- a LOT.  It pulls so hard to the left that it's nearly impossible to steer the damn thing.  I then think to myself, "Self, let's just walk to the front and DRAG it."

But oh, no no no... little Benji wasn't having that.  He reaches around to my sleeve and says, "Mommy, no no no no.  Here.  Come mere."  He wants me at the back of the cart pushing.  Trying to steer this thing is certainly a feat of strength worthy of something at the Festivus celebration I tell ya! It's definitely talent to push this cart which continually tries to make a 45 degree left-hand turn around the world.  It's an intense work-out to say the least just pushing this empty cart...And here we go... off to fill it.

Only, you can't.  You can't fill a cart with Benji.  If it's within reach -- it's his.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.  NEVER TAKE BENJI TO THE GROCERY STORE.

We proceed to the pharmaceutical area.  He wants, "summa dis."  I grab some aspirin for Andy, "I hoed it."  So I hand it to him.  All right.  Give him a distraction and he's good.  I've got this.  We are going to be okay.  I pull out the list and try to do a quick scan.  He grabs my list, "My paper."
I grab it back, "MY paper and do NOT grab ANYTHING from MY hand."  I start to push off and nearly run a blue hair off the path.  This cart is deadly.

We walk through the clothing department.  I stop and admire the two piece fleece Batman pajamas and try to explain the bat signal to Benji.  "I hoed it."  I knew better.  We moved on.

Next we went to the baby section to get a fresh box of butt covers.  Have I mentioned that I'm SOOOOOO ready for this kid to be toilet trained I can't even see straight?  So, I grab a $35 box of those and put them on the bottom.  Off we go to conquer the rest of the store.

Dairy -- milk, cookie dough (truth, I don't always make them from scratch and sometimes I don't care that I don't always make them from scratch), yogurt for the kids, yogurt for me, cheese sticks, eggs.

That was easy.

Detergent aisle.  Scoop up some laundry detergent and that's when it starts.  Benji starts trying to perfect his newly acquired talent -- spitting.  He hasn't quite mastered it.  I TRY to ignore it because, generally, if kids do things that annoy you and you ignore them... they stop.  That's not the case with Benji.  He does things until you completely redirect his attention or until he finds something else (generally) MORE annoying to do.  So, he began to spit.  First it was the small sputters as if you have a dog hair or something on your tongue you're trying to spit out.... Patrons start to walk down the aisle.  I stop pushing the cart and try to lean in and tell Benji to stop spitting.  He spits on me.  I cover his mouth.  He thinks it's funny.  So now, I have chocolate milk spit dripping down my hand.  I wipe it on my leg.

We move on.

This lasted about three aisles and I think he grew as tired as my arms did while trying to block his mouth with one hand and still maintain a straight line with my defective cart which I'm now having to push and steer with one hand as other customers pass.  My arms grow shaky by the 7th aisle.  What a workout!

Either he ran out of saliva, grew bored of spitting but he chose, instead, to start barking at me.  Then it was saying, "HIIIIIIII" to everyone that was within earshot.  Regardless of if they responded or not, he would bark.... growl.... scream... you name it.  I'm fairly certain by the next two aisles, most everyone in the west side of the store thought there was a child with Tourette's Syndrome in my buggy.  What a nightmare.

We keep passing the same few people in opposite directions following the same pattern in the store; he develops a rapport with some of the gentlemen.  They think he's funny.  I'm clearly trying to make it go away.  Haven't you ever read the signs at the zoo?  "Don't feed the animals?"  The same rules apply to children -- don't encourage this shit!?  Can't you tell I'm a woman on the brink of madness?  I'm one splittle away from a padded cell and a tub of blue-bell watching I Love Lucy reruns and singing Greased Lightning with my hair slicked back.  I'm oh so very close to being there.


As we walk down the aisle to pick up some sweet pickle relish and breakfast tea I'm realizing how close we are.  He's content with a box of muffin mix (trying to open it thinking there ARE muffins inside) and so while I'm looking one way, he lunges for the other.  Only, I don't see this.  I hear it.  Not from HIM but from his new victim.  He has lunged and grabbed a handful of weave of this black woman's hair and is starting to pull it OUT OF HER FREAKIN HEAD!  It doesn't look like a "real" weave... more just like an attached one but STILL!?!?!  I hear, "OH SHIT!  OH SHIT?!?!"  and my hair spins around like, "Don't use that language in front of my children...." until I see that MY CHILD is CAUSING that language to spew from her lips.  So, now the question is how do I disengage his death grip on her locks without further ripping it out of her head.  I'm apologizing and completely mortified.  I mean, really, what the hell CAN you say in a situation like that?  I'm smacking his hand.... she's grabbing her hair.  It was a finely tuned orchestra of HOLY HELL...  what in the world is WRONG WITH THIS KID?!!?!?!?  He laughs, "You funny."  I'm waiting for her to go postal on me and Benji and she grabs what she needed and doesn't let go of her (or what's left of) her hair.  I just apologized over and again....and then gave him the death stare.  He is unaffected.  I'm annoyed.  He's bored.  I'm flustered.  He's laughing.  I'm embarrassed.  He's reaching for something else.  I'm humiliated.  He can't reach it and becomes irritated.

I regain my wits about me and then I realize that I'm at a pivotal spot in my shopping trek.  I can attempt to finish zip up the frozen food aisle to get the few veggies I need and then make a dash for the produce aisle or just leave.

I shoot for the frozen food section.  He opens Every.Single.Door.He.Can.Touch.For.As.Long.As.He.Can!!!!

Why do I have him so close to the doors, you ask?  Because there are OTHER people besides me trying to steer their buggies down the aisle.  So, there he is with his hand on every single freezer door he can reach.  I give up.  We head to produce... or should we just leave?

Why would I leave at this point?

Because once I start packing in produce, anything in the cart he can reach is fair game.  He knows this.  This is his favorite time to be grocery shopping.

My grapes become projectiles.  Not once.  Not twice.  Three times.  Clean up on aisle 1.  My box of organic greens.... hurled a good 5 feet.

I gave up.

We headed to the check-out line.

He still is barking at people.

I think I've tuned out completely.  Someone needs to medicate this moron.  (And by "moron" I mean me as in the idiot who thought it a good idea to take a two-year-old to Wal-Mart on a Saturday night.)

Josh phones me asking me to take him to the movies tomorrow.  The only thing that comes out of my mouth is, "I'm standing in the check-out line at Wal-Mart.  I'm pissed.  It's not the best time to ask me for anything."  He says okay and immediately hangs up.  Smart kid.

Realizing the time, I stop in at Subway and pick up Benji a pizza.  He has to hold it.  I know he's going to toss it.  At this point, I'd scrap it off the ground and still feed it to him.

I pull his hoodie up, head out into the bitter wind and load him up in the car.  Load the groceries.  Head home.  And then I wonder.... what in the hell I did to deserve this.

Then I think.... what great blog fodder.  Valerie, it's your turn next.  I'm good for the next few weeks!

Saturday Six

Welcome to the Saturday Six.  In following with the alphabetical theme, he is up to letter E.  Followers are to answer his six questions with keywords utilizing the letter E. Here we go.

1) E is for ESP. Which mental superpower would you rather have: The ability to read minds, the ability to change matter or the ability to transport yourself from one place to another. This is SUCH a fun question to ponder.  First off, I'd say that I'd LOVE the ability to read minds.  I love knowing the hard fast truth.  Bullshit bothers me.  Sugar-coating annoys me.  Being able to read minds gets you immediately what you need to know without all the head games associated with people who are afraid of hurting someone's feelings.  However, that could potentially backfire if you start reading minds of those near and dear to you.... so you'd either need to be totally able to turn it off and on or learn to develop a very thick skin.

Along the same lines, the ability to change matter could prove to be quite useful but I could see someone getting very greedy with this.  There would have to be some sort of parameter as to what could or couldn't be changed.  This option is a little to ambiguous for me to adequately ascertain whether or not I'd accept such a power.

Lastly, being able to beam yourself up in a moment's notice -- VERY COOL.  However, that's a solo act.  If you've got more than one person to transport, the power really isn't beneficial.  Now if you could transfer that power by osmosis... I'm all for it and that would ABSOLUTELY be my power of choice.  Think of all the traffic, headaches and cluster _____s you'd miss!  What a dream!  Never late for another thing!  You wouldn't even need GPS now would you?  

However, in looking at all three, I'm still going to have to say number one.  I'm a people person.  I love digging in people's minds and finding out what makes them tick.  I could totally kick ass as the next Barbara Wawa with the ability to read minds, now couldn't I?  My kids... yeah, they'd never get away with diddly squat.  I already have a thick skin so I think that this superpower would be quite suitable for me.  

2) E is for Earth. How much do you recycle to save the planet in a typical week. I'm a tree hugger.  I use cloth grocery bags.  I will recycle all glass, metal, tin, plastic and paper that I can every single week.  It's not a matter of how much... it's a matter of "do we have enough space to fit everything into the recycle bins?"

3) E is for East. What's the furthest East you've traveled in the United States. Maine, which also happens to be the furthest Eastern state in the United States.  :)  I've also been to New York, New Jersey, North Carolina and Florida which are all eastern states as well.

4) E is for Ellipsis. What kind of punctuation, other than the period or comma do you use most often? I actually utilize the ellipsis frequently in written conversation because I write in a stream-of-consciousness and it literally indicates the pause or shift in my train of thought.

5) E is for Elliptical. What is your favorite exercise in a gym? I'm actually not a fan of the elliptical.  Staying in one spot while doing motions that should propel you really befuddles me.  If you're running, you should GO SOMEWHERE.  I can't stand hamster machines.  That being said... my favorite "exercise" in a gym would have to be weights.  Am I having to pick a specific exercise that I like to do?  That would be next to impossible.  I love straight-leg dead lifts because it BURNS my legs the next day.  I love doing bench press because my arms shake after the 3rd set.  I love doing lunges because it gets my heart rate up... Frankly, I love the gym... weights... running... this is a hard one for me.  

6) E is for Empty. Most often, do you consider the glass half-empty or half-full?  Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the glass is ALWAYS full.  Even if the water level is at 1/2, 1/3, 1/4, 1/305... why?  There is still air occupying the voided space, is there not?  I would generally say that it depends on my mood.  That's the truth.  

Friday Fill Ins

It may be laughable but I have missed being a part of the Friday Fill In community.  So, I'm baaaaaack!

And...here we go!

1. I said, "People are stupid."  (Because they are.)

2. Cold weather, flannel jammies and sleep is what I'm craving right now. 

3. I was thinking about making some homemade cranberry orange muffins in the morning and devouring one (or two) with some Earl Grey and honey.

4. Think outside the box, will you? 

5. We should have taken a vacation this summer. 

6. I need to get up at 4:20 am daily, whether I want to or not!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sweet dreams, uninterrupted sleep and the chill of the night air creeping in my open window, tomorrow my plans include some morning "me time", a run, the gym, the donut store (for the Drewster), a baseball game, making some chili, attending Oktoberfest and  further and continual purge of crap from my abode and Sunday, I want to read, organize, scrap, plan, enjoy Drew's baseball game, edit some photos, make a run to the grocery store [that's actually a lie in that I don't WANT to go to the grocery store -- I HATE going to the grocery store but I HAVE to so it's on the list... damnit!]!