Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Day From H-E-double hockey sticks

A friend of mine, Trace, had asked how my boys were doing... and you know when people GENERALLY ask that question, they don't mean it. But for all those out there that really DO want to know... all 1,000,000,000,000th of 1,000,000,000th of a percent of you that reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaally want to know -- here it is... here was MY day today!

My boys… funny you should ask… do you REALLLY want to hear how they are? They're in straight jackets, medically restrained to their beds tonigtht as mommy had ENOUGH today! ;) Synopsis of my day: wake up, make breakfast, spill pitcher of juice in the floor (at the hands of a 3 year old), clean it up – guess today was the day to mop the floor after all, huh? My 3 year old decided he wants to give all the dogs a cookie… so he give them the HUGE ones… (oversized Milk Bones used for SUPER TREATS not just the regular every day kind) right in the middle of my bed… not once, not twice, but THREE sets of cookie crumbs now in the center of my bed because -- God forbid -- the notion of pulling the covers UP just doesn't come to his brain.

Then sometime in the morning I start feeling achey and my nose is running like a faucet. Great... I really have wanted to miss the flu season. I've alrady had my 6 weeks worth of bronchial sickness... with no interest in a repeat.

Suddenly, Drew comes to tell me there's poop in there (I'm thinking he just came from my toilet and didn't flush.) I checked the throne -- oh no such luck. Drew replies, "Oh no no no no mommy, it's dog poop in duh floor." In I go to check and, wow, somsone's stepped in it. Wonder who that could be? Obviously, not me… not the dogs… So the final culprit: Drew, let me see your feet? Oh yes, it's HIS… now to retrace his steps to make sure the carpet gets cleaned…and I notice… it's not only on the floor, it's nicely piled and smushed into the lovely $5,000 drapes that pool to the floor (note to self – this is the reason I always said I hated pooled drapes – they're stupid and are just places dogs can poop)… go get the machine, clean the carpet, clean the drapes… this process takes well over an hour and I think -- wow, wouldn't it be nice to go to lunch with my OTHER kid so that I can get OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I get ready QUICKLY (meaning shower, no make up, and a hat!) and we make it… but of course Drew doesn't want to sit with us… he wants to sit with tables of strange kids that really don't want him around. I think he may have eaten ONE bite of chicken, a few pieces of sliced peaches and he may have drunk a sip of strawberry milk, but that's about it. However, needless to say he's overly stimulated and wants nothing to do with his lunch I've purchased and so he just plays with his brother and his brother's friend, Cam, that's sitting there… lunch is over… we go home and he attempts to take a nap.

Meanwhile I start to have even more of the runny nose that everyone else has complained of lately, the general malaise… the sore throat… the cough…. The body aches… I'm officially in "getting sick" mode. And it STINKS.

We go pick up Josh from school and take him home… do homework… drew proceeds to knock off another container of water off the counter all over the floor, spill an entire bag of pinto beans all over the floor and that dad-gummed moon sand that was invented by the devil.. yes… that's made a spill to the floor now too… I said ... a few choice words, I won't lie because I'm not perfect when I'm like this... I don't know who could be....

Then when I had told Josh to get ready for Karate, he comes down stairs and my little twerp of a 3 year old says, "I'm gonna GET YOU" and he HEAD BUTTS him in the MOUTH? Instant tears - instant bloody lip gushing… so yes, the 3 year old got his first bare bottom whipping from mom tonigt… and I don't think it phased him a bit. Not ONE BIT. I swear I'll have to sever a limb before that child "gets it" as he is THE most apathetic freakin person on the planet and it drives me mad to NO END!

I finally had to explain to my 8 year old (the victim ALWAYS) … HEY… you're letting a 3 year old kick you're a$$... you're taking KARATE… You're learning SELF DEFENSE… if you can't defend yourself from a 3 year old's head… You need to focus and practice some more… if he comes at you like that – haul off and knock the SNOT OUT OF HIM! He'll leave you alone when you actually feel like a threat and not a punching bad that cries and bleeds. Ha ha.. great empathy/sympathy from mom huh?

Wo at this point right now… my boys are lucky I have allowed them to live! Don't you feel better for knowing that?!?! LOL

Well, I hope it was good for a laugh at least. I haven't found the humor in it... yet.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Birthday for Dad

My dad's birthday is 2/21 but since that fell during the week, I offered to cook dinner for him Sunday the 24th. He spent most of the weekend with us anyway. Friday he took Josh to a play to see Heather (his friend's daughter) in her theatrical debut at Theater Arlington... he came over Saturday and helped me set up for the Blue and Gold and then went to that and stayed til the end to help un-decorate the cafeteria. He stayed Saturday night. Played golf Sunday morning and then had his birthday dinner on Sunday. Shanna and Dan came over too.

Boy the conversations you can get into with two medical professionals. :) It's just too funny. Shanna, my little sis, is a PA and listening to some of her stories is just mind boggling... lets just say that sometimes, I really feel people should be qualified to hand out "stupid" signs.... man alive. :)

Dinner was great. Shanna did a great job on the cake. :) I love seeing her... they're so fun and down to earth... good people. :) She's got this sweet little weenie dog named Cocoa that has a cerebral condition so he really doesn't have good balance... it's almost like he's got Parkinsons and an equilabrium problem. It's SO sad but Shanna and Dan have made sure he is not in any pain so for the time being, he's just being really spoiled. :)

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Blue & Gold

Well, the Cub Scout Blue & Gold Banquet came and went and I think I did a pretty good job. The silent auction didn't go over as well as I'd hoped it would but with doing a couple of the extra things we did, it took time away from the auction... the addition of the photographer was a neat perk (to me) and I think she did a fine job. I'll have to look up some photos to attach here. :) Or just check out our pack website that I do I've got lots of pictures up on that. :)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lunar eclipse

Josh broke out the telescope tonight to watch the lunar eclipse. I had to go look up what it even WAS on the internet to help him understand what it was... I guess having children helps you learn something every day. I hope you all got to see it too!

Congratulations to my friend Christa on a BEAUTIFUL baby boy, Colton. :) 2 pushes and he was born -- what a lucky chick! I can't imagine that... you amaze me!

Wow life gets busy

It's been an incredibly busy month of February and I have nothing to show for it. Ha!

I am eyeballs deep in planning the Blue & Gold Banquet for the Cub Scouts and trying to keep these crazy kids WELL (that's not working out so good for me).

Stay tuned and I'll be posting some stuff in the next couple of days. :) I've gotta take advantage of the little man's down time to finalize the banquet.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What Wong Wit You Hair

That was the comment made by my sweet little Drew when I went to pick him up from school. Isn't that so sweet? Don'tcha just love preschooler talk?

I made a 10 am appointment at a local salon to get a body wave in my hair but did you know that with hair my length, it's more of just a spiral perm? Did you know it takes a really long time to roll a spiral perm in hair my length? Hmmm.. Drew gets out of school at 2:30 so I generally leave about 2:10 to pick him up. Who would have thought that I wouldn't be finished at the salon by then. (Not me).

Drew was a tad freaked out when I picked him up he just kept looking at me like I'd been half eaten by some weird monster still attached to my skull. "Mommy, you hair look funny"... "yes, dear, it's weird and it stinks and we need to get back to the salon so bring your backpack and let's go." "Mommy, what wong wit you hair?" "These are curlers, honey, to make mommy's hair curly." "Mommy, I no like you hair." "That's great dear, can we go now." Poor child, he's scarred for life.

Can I tell you how humbling an experience it is driving around with a salon cape on your body wearing your hair full of stinky perm rods and two plastic shower curtains to hold in the neutralizer? Driving down the road, picking up your child and then seeing all the other moms in the hallway... very humbling indeed. I wish, at times, I had papparrazi (sp?) followoing me around just to captures moments like this so I can just look back and go -- DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG what was I thinking!?!

As a side note, in hindsight, it took a very long time and next time I do something like that -- I will make sure I don't have anywhere to be ... period. :) Hair looks cute now though!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Superbowl... schmooperbowl

I tell ya... I'm so glad this stupid season is over... I have always hated football -- it's always been like the other woman -- and she wins and gets more time, more attention, more money (ha) than me... i'm glad she's gone for a while... the testesterone that she produces is enough to just make me want to puke...

Do I have PMS? oh heavens no... I'm always this bitchy

HA! (that's a joke, son... lighten up)...

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Can you believe...

we only have eleven and a half months until Christmas? Ha ha ha ha!

I think recently I've fallen off the face of the earth but honestly I have been SO STINKING BUSY working, cleaning, playing taxi, planning a banquet and helping my Cub Scouts that I've been too busy for the computer for entertainment... it's just been for work. Shucks.

Lets see -- HAS there been any thing super exciting or news worthy? Oh heck yeah... but I'm not putting it in here?! As if! ha ha..

Drew was sick all last week with pink eye. Poor little guy. Whatever idiot prescribed eye drops to a freakin three year old needs to have his head examined by Edward Scissorhands! Need I remind you how wiggly children are? Now imagine a wiggly child that is wiggling because he wants to get AWAY from you...and not only does he want to get away from you... you want him to lie FLAT on his back. He needs to quit kicking you in the back of the head... quit pushing your arm down... so you have to hold that one down too... pretty soon it's almost like you're having to forcibly restrain this stinkin kid just to put TWO FREAKIN DROPS in his eyes? TWO? it's n ot like I'm going to freakin cut off his tongue... it's a very simple...close your eyes... drop drop... open your eyes... but no... he's screaming, crying... well, if you cry, we have to do it again because you've washed out all the medicine. It's the biggest ass whip I've experienced in years. It's a complete exercise in futility. This 35 year old woman trying to hold his head straight up, avoid being kicked in the head, hold both arms down and pry his squinted eyes open with fingers -- that actually have real fingernails on them... without gouging his eye out and while preventing him from crying... yes... i was dropping some pretty choice words doing this... a 2 hour stand off the first day... tonight I got it down to about 10 minutes. UGh the kids is killing me!