Saturday, August 13, 2011

Testing, testing….testing my sanity!

I’ve decided to jump on the Windows Live bandwagon and give this baby a try for my blogging fancy. 

I almost didn’t make it, however.  I attempted to install the stupid program about 10 times yet I could never find it.  Madness!  I finally scoured through some on-line help forums to find it was just hidden for some stupid reason.

I seriously find it so hard to understand why companies get a loyal following of people who just figure out how to utilize a program and then they go upgrade the dern thing and make the learning curve so far removed from anything remotely normal that you just want to pitch the dern thing out the window!  Yeah, it’s perty darn severe when I say DERN TWO TIMES in one sentence.

This morning… a magical thing happened.  We actually got rain!  Don’t think that’s a big deal?  Well, YOU go without rain or relief for 40 plus days and tell me that you don’t consider it an amazing blessing.  I seriously just wanted to sit outside in it and just soak it all in.  We just need that to happen off and on for the next three or four weeks now to start helping our lakes, streams, creeks, ponds and lawns recover. 

I went to the Northwood MOPS planning meeting this morning.  It’s so refreshing to be in a room full of women excited about sharing the Word with other moms… we are all in “that season” of life (with preschoolers) so it’s so fantastic to be able to find moms that have a common ground with whom you really can relate.  You realize, too, that you are NOT going crazy…. that this, too, shall pass.

You realize after spending time with these gracious women that the hours and days are long, long, long… but the years they are so short.

Josh spent the day with his buddy Tink. They went fishing and caught a good sized catfish (he sent me a photo from his phone before they let it go).

I spent from 9:30 – 3 having some great girl time.

Andy spent that time here at home with the boys.  Why I feel guilty for doing these little things and leaving him here to “babysit” is beyond me.  And, he’s not babysitting… he’s being a dad.  Why I feel guilty that he doesn’t get any “me” time is just ridiculous.  I need to stop 

We’re gearing up for another busy year.  We’ve got Josh’s school activities, football, Scouts and he will be going back to guitar lessons.  Drew will have his school activities, speech, baseball, and Cub Scouts.  Ben will have preschool.  Ben and I will have MOPS and the Mom’s League activities together on Fridays.  I do the newsletter for Josh’s Troop so that’s a small labor of love.  I’m going to lead Drew’s Cub Scout den.  I’m also in the Grapevine Colleyville Southlake Mom’s League and we have a playgroup that will meet, too.  I’m also going to try to stay plugged into the playgroup in my HOA because that will let us meet local friends, too.  I realize that when I’m in this season of life (toddler, busy toddler, destructive busy toddler) it’s best for me to stay busy and immerse myself in all kinds of activities or I go into this funk of depression… been there / done that… no fun.  Ain’t gonna do it again.  I have decided that I will not sign up to be room mom again because that’s just too stressful when other parents just don’t really give a darn.  So, I’m going to help from afar and pitch in where needed. 

I’m also hoping that once I get a grip on these health issues that have stricken me, I’m going to go to the gym in the morning to lift and hopefully run.  My weight loss goals seem like they’re flying out the window right now.  It’s hard, too, when you have so many obscure things seemingly going wrong in such a short time span…. it’ shard to not wonder if they’re all related somehow.  I just honestly want some answers so that whatever the diagnosis is, we can find some type of acceptable course of action for me that will enable me to then move on with a plan of action in place…

but right now…. my joints in my fingers are hurting and swollen and tender in the morning….. that’s how it started but now it seems my knuckles pretty much stay tender throughout the day.  At first it was just the main finger knuckle but now it’s both of them.

My right elbow has some type of tender spot every few days.

My right hip has in the last 3 weeks hurt in the hip joint itself a total of four days. 

My feet PAIN ME to walk on them first thing in the morning…. or after getting up after resting for more than ten minutes or so.  I have to wear tennis shoes 24/7 which really sucks but I have to have the support.  Barefoot is not an option.  If I wear flip flops, I pay the price heavily as my feet kill me by 5-6pm.

I’m going to have to go back to the doctor about the mass under my arm and I fear that will lead to another mammogram or surgery to remove it. 

The headaches still happen with regularity…

And as much as I want to be the pleasant, loving, peaceful, smiling, doting mother, wife, friend, parent, daughter…. by about 7pm, it’s hard for me to want to do anything more than sit and put my feet up because they’re hurting…which means, I’m less than pleasant… it’s hard to force a smile.  And believe it or not, I hate complaining…. but I think, right now, having a documentation of my ailments… I ‘m hoping that it will help me keep track of what is going on with my body. 

The rheumatologist said since the hands and toes were on both sides, he suspected very early signs of rheumatoid arthritis though my blood work looks good…. (I had my aunt, an RN look at it).  Unfortunately, you can still have the disease and not have the markers in your blood.  It is all about how your symptoms present.  If it shows on your blood work, it seems that it’s typically more aggressive or you’ve had the disease for many years. 

He also suspected plantar fasciitis (sp?) in both feet so the podiatrist appointment is Wednesday and thank GOD for that! Hopefully I can get some squishy inserts to help my feet tolerate me.

Weight loss can only help matters so Monday since it’s school starting… back to regular eating…. that’s going to be the agenda now.  Eating healthy.  Low fat, low sugar, low carb, lean protein, kill the sweets.  I have to do it for me… I have to do it for my boys.  I have to do it for my stomach…. I have to try to be the best me that I can be.  I have to be a good example.  And frankly, I FEEL better when I’m eating better.  I get sick of fast food after about two days and just feel gross even eating it.  I’m also going to QUIT DIET COKE!  Yes, my one true addiction that I’ve ever had …. I’m quitting the diet sodas.  I’m just going to go cold turkey on all forms of caffeine.  I’m not even going to drink iced tea out of the house because I know it won’t be decaf. 

So, hopefully…. in the next few weeks, we will get some answers….. get a plan in place and just keep moving forward.  In the meantime, if you’ve even read this far… I would certainly appreciate your prayers for healing, patience and strength.

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