This year has left much to be desired so I've decided in all my humility, hard times, emotional setbacks and breakdowns that, frankly, this new year couldn't get any worse than 2006 so I'm actually looking forward to a fresh start with many great changes in the weeks and months to come.
I've learned a lot in this last year....lots of relearning... things I already knew but have had to re-examine with a fresh set of eyes.
I've learned that sometimes you just have to let go and give it to God.
I've learned that my children are my biggest treasure and accomplishment.
I've learned that you can't make people love... or even like you... they either just do or they don't. It's just that simple.
I've learned that sometimes you just have to sever ties with someone that poisons your soul -- no matter how hard it may hurt... in the end, you have to look out for yourself, your family, your children.
I've learned that I really miss having my best friend around.
I've learned that I am strong enough to just be me -- and that is good enough.
I've learned that I'm never going to be a size 4 again... and that I really AM okay with it. Now getting down to a size 6 still.... that's a goal but I'm actually comfortable in an 8... as long as they stay loose.
I've learned that I have a heart and love for working with children...
I've learned I need to finish what I start...
Have I made any New Year's Resolutions? I've made a few...
- to learn to say "no" so that I'm not over-scheduled, over-committed, over-stressed
- to scrapbook at least 5 layouts a week -- they can be either one or two page layouts but that will keep me on track and get me using my stuff up
- to get handmade birthday cards made a month in advance for all my upcoming birthdays
I've got a scrap calendar I've started (but still need to finish -hence the previously stated resolution) over the last few weeks so that I'm on top of my projects that I want to work on so that nothing catches me by surprise and leaves me with no time to be creative.
I have taken several trips this year... my most favorite was Colorado.... it's just "home" to me. I can't wait to go back in February. I know the boys will just love it. It will be fun to hit the slopes.
I've had a few medical issues this year that I could stand to erase from my memory and body but I guess they make us who we are. When you get through something challenging -- you have to realize if it doesn't break you, it only makes you stronger. I haven't found all the strength yet from a few of them... but I have faith that I will get there someday.
I have begun to say prayers again... and even say them for me. I have begun to say a blessing over my children at night so that they learn to hear prayers from my lips and not just recite sing-songy rhyming words. I wnat them to know to be truly thankful in their hearts for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon them... and that throughout all the changes in their lives, that they are loved by many people. How lucky they are to have so many people that love them.
I've had many positive changes in my life over the last few weeks.... and I can only say that the moving forward will be a good, cleansing move for my heart and soul.
And although this is totally off topic for a "happy new year post", please keep Drew in your prayers tonight as his temperature is continuing to spike. It's back up near 104. My new year is spent with a very sick little boy - an exhausted mom - a grumbly stomach .... and a partridge in a pear tree.
I wish all my friends, loved ones and family the most wonderful new year... I hope you have many blessings in the coming year.
I'm so happy to say goodbye to 2006... and hello 2007!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Six Flags
I thought Drew was on the mend so since I had no other plans, I took him to Six Flags. We paid to park, I found a place I'd remember (the same place I parked when I took Josh and Sam), and we started to walk in. I took a backpack full of gear - snacks, drinks, etc. and Drew wanted to walk so I held his hand and we started for the park. We parked near the bobsled ride and we had dto stop and watch it for a good 5 minutes... he thought that was the neatest thing he'd ever seen. We got in and he immediately saw the carousel but on the way there he was distracted by the water fountains so we stared at them dancing to the holiday music playing throughout the park.
We walked to Looney Tunes Land and he was just in awe at the sights, sounds, smells... and then he saw them... the big semis to drive. I asked him if he wanted to drive and he said "kay". We walked and waited in line. He did so well in line... we had to wait for three times to go before we got our turn. I let him pick out the color of truck we rode - he didn't care for the color, he wanted the front one. So up we climbed to the top and waited for the ride to start. They aparently had trouble getting one kiddon in or out so we were able to sit atop and look at the surrounding rides. There was a bus that basically went around and around up in the air... like it was on the end of the hands of a clock. Every time it went up to the top, the kids in it all screamed with delight. I saw Drew spying that and asked him if he wanted to ride and he gave me that "are you freakin crazy lady" look and said very quickly, "NO". So then our truck started... he said "there gooooooooo" and we were off. Every time we went around a corner, I'd tell him to "turn turn turn"... and he'd get that wheel just flying. He really thought he was in control of the whole ride. So it was finished and he again, spied the bus so I asked him again, do you want to ride that? He said "kay".... I was floored.
We got in line and she measured him (I thought he was too short)....but she said, "as long as mommy rides with you, you can ride" so he said "mom come-mere" and we boarded the bus. When it first started, I wasn't sure if he realized what he was in for.. I think he, for a spilt second, wondered what the heck he was doing... then the heard the spunky voice of the teenager operating the ride, "when you get to the top, scream as loud as you can" so he did. He had that high-pitched shrill that only the bats could hear. The she said, "raise your arms as high as you can and SCREAM".... and he did... it was SO cute. I'd have killed to have had video of that.
After that was done, he wanted to check out other stuff so we walked around for a bit... we went to see the Judge Roy Scream... he said, "momma, I ride?" I said, no, you're not big enough now... (we went through the exit so he could watch). On the way back, he saw a plane ride and so I let him watch. He was SO excited... wanted to try it... i was excited for him too until I realized that he had to ride BY HIMSELF. I knoew he'd be crawling out screaming for me when it was at the top... a little boy ... probably 5 was in the front seat, Drew was in the rear. I pulled that seatbelt down as far as it'd go... and did that Catholic thing (you know... touch your head.. and each shoulder kinda thing) in my head... just saying.... good God, I can't believe I just strapped my TWO YEAR OLD in a flying ride.... he's going to kill himself and I'm going to be standing here watching... then it took off... and the little boy raised up the control and they were up in the sky and I saw something AMAZING... Drew was LAUGHING. He was SO excited... He did look around and call for me a couple of times, but he just couldn't get his bearing on where I was. The ride was done, they came down and I oculdn't wait for the exit gate to open so I could go in and scoop him up. And he said "momma, I fly".... he was so proud of himself. And I was so proud of him.
We got in line for one ride, they had to shut it down b/c of the wind.... we stopped and had a snack.. we rode his favorites a couple more times... carousel, etc. His nose started running and since I didn'dt take a stroller, this little man was walked out! I asked him if he wanted his binkie and go to home and he said "yep" so away we went.
It's good to have bonding days like that... lets you just get away and have some fun.
We walked to Looney Tunes Land and he was just in awe at the sights, sounds, smells... and then he saw them... the big semis to drive. I asked him if he wanted to drive and he said "kay". We walked and waited in line. He did so well in line... we had to wait for three times to go before we got our turn. I let him pick out the color of truck we rode - he didn't care for the color, he wanted the front one. So up we climbed to the top and waited for the ride to start. They aparently had trouble getting one kiddon in or out so we were able to sit atop and look at the surrounding rides. There was a bus that basically went around and around up in the air... like it was on the end of the hands of a clock. Every time it went up to the top, the kids in it all screamed with delight. I saw Drew spying that and asked him if he wanted to ride and he gave me that "are you freakin crazy lady" look and said very quickly, "NO". So then our truck started... he said "there gooooooooo" and we were off. Every time we went around a corner, I'd tell him to "turn turn turn"... and he'd get that wheel just flying. He really thought he was in control of the whole ride. So it was finished and he again, spied the bus so I asked him again, do you want to ride that? He said "kay".... I was floored.
We got in line and she measured him (I thought he was too short)....but she said, "as long as mommy rides with you, you can ride" so he said "mom come-mere" and we boarded the bus. When it first started, I wasn't sure if he realized what he was in for.. I think he, for a spilt second, wondered what the heck he was doing... then the heard the spunky voice of the teenager operating the ride, "when you get to the top, scream as loud as you can" so he did. He had that high-pitched shrill that only the bats could hear. The she said, "raise your arms as high as you can and SCREAM".... and he did... it was SO cute. I'd have killed to have had video of that.
After that was done, he wanted to check out other stuff so we walked around for a bit... we went to see the Judge Roy Scream... he said, "momma, I ride?" I said, no, you're not big enough now... (we went through the exit so he could watch). On the way back, he saw a plane ride and so I let him watch. He was SO excited... wanted to try it... i was excited for him too until I realized that he had to ride BY HIMSELF. I knoew he'd be crawling out screaming for me when it was at the top... a little boy ... probably 5 was in the front seat, Drew was in the rear. I pulled that seatbelt down as far as it'd go... and did that Catholic thing (you know... touch your head.. and each shoulder kinda thing) in my head... just saying.... good God, I can't believe I just strapped my TWO YEAR OLD in a flying ride.... he's going to kill himself and I'm going to be standing here watching... then it took off... and the little boy raised up the control and they were up in the sky and I saw something AMAZING... Drew was LAUGHING. He was SO excited... He did look around and call for me a couple of times, but he just couldn't get his bearing on where I was. The ride was done, they came down and I oculdn't wait for the exit gate to open so I could go in and scoop him up. And he said "momma, I fly".... he was so proud of himself. And I was so proud of him.
We got in line for one ride, they had to shut it down b/c of the wind.... we stopped and had a snack.. we rode his favorites a couple more times... carousel, etc. His nose started running and since I didn'dt take a stroller, this little man was walked out! I asked him if he wanted his binkie and go to home and he said "yep" so away we went.
It's good to have bonding days like that... lets you just get away and have some fun.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
A Blast from the Past
I ran into a girlfriend of mine from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!?! She's an attorney now... I had an interview with her. How fun was that?! She is still just as adorable as she ever was. I'm trying to get the feelers out for something in Tarrant County until I decide what my calling is. Wish me luck!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Friday the 13th -- Moo Ha Ha Ha
Took the boys to After Dark At The Park at River Legacy Park in Arlington... seemed like the event was getting smaller and smaller each year. I'm TIRED! It was fun... got glow necklaces... drew threw popcorn everywhere... Josh made a couple of crafts and away we go! :)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Pop goes the weasel
The cyst ruptured on Monday on my drive back from Oklahoma. It honestly didn't hurt as badly as I'd expected it to but as long as I didn't move, I was okay until it disapated. I had a dr's appointment today... hopefully I'm all on the mend... at least physically. Emotionally I'm just a train wreck.
Friday, October 6, 2006
Can we catch that plane?
I felt like the melody of "stop that pidgeon" was playing as I was racing down Hwy 114 trying to get Josh to the airport in time to make his plane to Iowa to see his dad for his fall break. it's amazing how when you need to be somewhere and feel like you've left in plenty of time to get there people can just all congregate on the highway and not move like I wanted to be part of their insurance seminar. Uh... no! We made it to the airport... and sometimes I think it's a good thing that we do get there in the nick of time because otherwise, I usually get so sad and mopey. He hates it when I cry when he leaves though I do every time. Not on all out boo-hoo session but I definitely get teary eyed. I think, too, it's good for him because it keeps him distracted and he doesn't get scared.
I've had such a hard time with him lately... I've overheard several phone calls with him and his dad and some of the things he has said just seemed kind of peculiar so I asked him point blank range the other day... "Josh, do you talk to your dad about moving to Iowa?" He replied, "yep... I mean, yes" (we work on the "yep's" to adults... big no no in my book). I said, "oh really, how often" and he said that they speak about it every time they're on the phone. After talking with his dad I realize that what he meant was that when his dad would say something like "oh we did such and such. wish you'd have been here"... Josh takes it literally. Basically what it all boils down to is that Josh thinks living up there will be Disneyland ... because, well, he IS a "Disneyland Dad" and that's NOT a bad thing by any means, it just gives Josh a distorted view of reality. So after a couple of days of being able to maintain my composure on the subject, I asked him why he wanted to move up there and he had a laundry list of items... all of which were "fun" things ... we go to the lake, we have a house boat to jump off of, we go on trips to Ohio, we go ride dirt bikes. I explained to him that when he goes up there I WANT him to be excited and do all kinds of fun things andmake great memories and have fun times but if he were to live there every day, it would be like it is here... rules, bedtimes, school, etc. It's not all about fun and games. I attempted to explain that his dad takes off work (I'm assuming) JUST to spend time with him while he is there but if he lived there, he'd be in daycare probably both before AND after school... meaning early mornings and not as many extra curriculuar activities. Got home from dinner and was upset so I started cleaning (which is what I do)... and Josh came downstairs and I just heard "mom... I can't... sllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" and he lost it. he was just so burdened by this guilt of trying to please his dad by moving up there and then knowing he was going to make everyone else sad if he moved away. It just broke my heart. I finally got it out of him that he did NOT want to move but that he missed his dad. He wanted his dad to be more involved with the things he did and he wanted to spend more time with him. It's hard to explain to a 7 year old that his dad chose to move away... that he knew it would be hard on everyone but he did what he had to do for him and Kelly (his new wife). I said how sorry I was that he was in the middle of it but I did tell him that it's okay to be sad and that it's okay to miss his dad but trying to move away from everythign he knows and has known as his way of life since his dad moved away wouldn't make his heart feel any better. I said your dad already KNOWS what life is like without you... none of us do.
I just think... of all the things I do and have done for Josh's dad to try to keep him involved... I scan in school work, report cards, schedules, order forms for photos, etc I try to keep him in the loop and give him every opportunity TO be involved... but he never does nor is he ever interested. i just know that he'd never recriprocate with me and basically I'd lose my son if he moved up there.
Josh is SO sensitive to people's feelings (except his brother's)...and generally he's more worried about hurting someone's feelings than about his own. He has such a great compassion for humanity and I'm so proud of him but sometimes I just want him to stand up for HIMSELF!
Then Josh leaves to go to Iowa... and even after his dad knows how bad he misses him and how hard a time this has been on him...does he keep him for the full fall break? No.. he keeps him 4 nights and sends him home on Wednesday (early)... ??? I just don't get it... and I can't tell Josh stuff like this... because I'm not one of THOSE parents that speaks ill of children's absent parents... but man... sometimes I'd just like to. :(
Everyone says that some day he'll figure it out... I Just don't think he will... Josh's dad can do no wrong in his eyes.
I've had such a hard time with him lately... I've overheard several phone calls with him and his dad and some of the things he has said just seemed kind of peculiar so I asked him point blank range the other day... "Josh, do you talk to your dad about moving to Iowa?" He replied, "yep... I mean, yes" (we work on the "yep's" to adults... big no no in my book). I said, "oh really, how often" and he said that they speak about it every time they're on the phone. After talking with his dad I realize that what he meant was that when his dad would say something like "oh we did such and such. wish you'd have been here"... Josh takes it literally. Basically what it all boils down to is that Josh thinks living up there will be Disneyland ... because, well, he IS a "Disneyland Dad" and that's NOT a bad thing by any means, it just gives Josh a distorted view of reality. So after a couple of days of being able to maintain my composure on the subject, I asked him why he wanted to move up there and he had a laundry list of items... all of which were "fun" things ... we go to the lake, we have a house boat to jump off of, we go on trips to Ohio, we go ride dirt bikes. I explained to him that when he goes up there I WANT him to be excited and do all kinds of fun things andmake great memories and have fun times but if he were to live there every day, it would be like it is here... rules, bedtimes, school, etc. It's not all about fun and games. I attempted to explain that his dad takes off work (I'm assuming) JUST to spend time with him while he is there but if he lived there, he'd be in daycare probably both before AND after school... meaning early mornings and not as many extra curriculuar activities. Got home from dinner and was upset so I started cleaning (which is what I do)... and Josh came downstairs and I just heard "mom... I can't... sllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" and he lost it. he was just so burdened by this guilt of trying to please his dad by moving up there and then knowing he was going to make everyone else sad if he moved away. It just broke my heart. I finally got it out of him that he did NOT want to move but that he missed his dad. He wanted his dad to be more involved with the things he did and he wanted to spend more time with him. It's hard to explain to a 7 year old that his dad chose to move away... that he knew it would be hard on everyone but he did what he had to do for him and Kelly (his new wife). I said how sorry I was that he was in the middle of it but I did tell him that it's okay to be sad and that it's okay to miss his dad but trying to move away from everythign he knows and has known as his way of life since his dad moved away wouldn't make his heart feel any better. I said your dad already KNOWS what life is like without you... none of us do.
I just think... of all the things I do and have done for Josh's dad to try to keep him involved... I scan in school work, report cards, schedules, order forms for photos, etc I try to keep him in the loop and give him every opportunity TO be involved... but he never does nor is he ever interested. i just know that he'd never recriprocate with me and basically I'd lose my son if he moved up there.
Josh is SO sensitive to people's feelings (except his brother's)...and generally he's more worried about hurting someone's feelings than about his own. He has such a great compassion for humanity and I'm so proud of him but sometimes I just want him to stand up for HIMSELF!
Then Josh leaves to go to Iowa... and even after his dad knows how bad he misses him and how hard a time this has been on him...does he keep him for the full fall break? No.. he keeps him 4 nights and sends him home on Wednesday (early)... ??? I just don't get it... and I can't tell Josh stuff like this... because I'm not one of THOSE parents that speaks ill of children's absent parents... but man... sometimes I'd just like to. :(
Everyone says that some day he'll figure it out... I Just don't think he will... Josh's dad can do no wrong in his eyes.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
He's Been PINNED!
My wonderful little Cub Scout earned his Bob Cat Badge and I got to pin it on him at the Pack meeting last night. I was so proud of him. He's really worked hard (as have all the guys -- as they ALL earned them). I have a wonderful pack of over-achievers! I love it! (just kidding).... This was MY first pack meeting as a Leader... and my boys first as official Cub Scouts. They did a GREAT JOB!!!
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