The Art of Toddlering

As the mother of a toddler, there are things that you work for and things you worry about... precautions you take and reactions you follow so often they become second nature.

For instance, any mother of a toddler knows that not only will she be unable to go to the bathroom without someone either trying to peek under the door, shove things under the door, open the door or join her in the loo, but also that if said toddler joins her s/he will begin the task of emptying the cabinets of any and all contents in the time she can drop trou, do her business, take care of things, flush and be off.

Any mother of a toddler knows that when the child has entered the loo zone, anything the child has in hand when she stands up to "take care of things" it's immediately going in the bowl. So, these mothers have learned to stand up, pull up and turn to close the lid/flush all in .32 milliseconds before all sorts of things get flushed.

Any mother of a toddler knows that unless cabinets are locked, their contents are fair game.

Any mother of a toddler knows the joy of naptime.

Any mother of a toddler knows, too, the importance of elastic straps to keep sippy cups from becoming projectile weapons in the car.

Any mother of a toddler knows that it's ridiculous to wear anything remotely "nice" since it's going to be covered with a) spit-up, snot or slobber b) whatever they've eaten or c) whatever they've decided not to eat but to throw at you instead.

Any mother of a toddler knows the value of a child-proofed house and why it's no fun to go anywhere that's NOT kid friendly.... even if they ARE your best friends. TOddlers know that they can make it to the third stair in 3.2 seconds. Continually chasing down a toddler when you're trying to enjoy conversation=complete ass whip.

However, moms know that while the days may be long, the years are short. Too soon, those crocodile tear filled eyes that now come running toward you when they need hugs, love and comfort will too soon retreat to their rooms running the opposite direction and learn to self-soothe and self-medicate with text messages and friends.