The end of negativity

I've reached a point in a close family relationship that it's best to sever ties and remember the "good ole days" rather than continue to suffer through the unknowns of the future.

This just stems from the fact that my sister and I are, I believe, polar opposites in many ways. In my family, I've never been one to hold a grudge. You just suck it up, bury the hatchet and forgive and forget to get through things... I believe that's true for most any relationship. When you're close, you're going to hurt one another somehow, some way, somewhere along the lines... it will be done, but you just have to not let any "thing" get the best of an entire relationship. Generally, I go by those rules. Life's just too short to hold grudges about the past, to let it fester and eat at your insides like a cancer, to let it turn you into a bitter, negative, self absorbed person... life's not about that. But, I've just reached my breaking point with her.

She came to visit -- that alone is enough to take up about 4 blog pages -- one of these days I'll get it down so that I can look back and remember why it is that I did this (sever ties). But she has a tendency to send out these epic length e-mails to a mass of people telling about the details of their life -- good and bad for everyone to read... regardless of whether we care to read them or not... some of the information just seems ridiculous to include and it's stuff that I honestly just don't care about. Oh well, but as a family, we just get them read them and delete them. She does it as a way to document so that if she ever does start scrapbooking, she'll have resources to pull from for her journaling. That's what I’m going to tell myself anyways.

So she came to visit -- and I knew when she got home it would be soon to come -- the epic e-mail... and it did come. I read it and dismissed it... and then reread it... and got a little angry... and then read it again, and got even angrier so I forwarded it to a select group of people to read... and none of THEM could believe what she'd wrote either...

It said something to the effect that she looks 27-28 (because she claims one of the moms from my playgroup asked her if she was going to her 10th high school reunion) and I look older than her... that my neighbors and my playgroup think I'm the older sister and that at a cookout my neighbors were asking her who was older and she was telling them to "guess" and so they went up to my brother in law and asked him and his reply was "you'll just have to ask her"... she was in town for her 20th high school reunion... then she didn’t comment on anything positive about staying here... she just commented on how her youngest, Cannon, didn't get to walk around or play in my home at all because Drew had it in for her and she began to detail how abusive he was towards her. She stated he took HER toys out of her hand and hit her over the head with them. She said she took my son Josh to my mom's with her and the girls to at least "give me a break from one of the boys"... ?? I hadn't SEEN my son in FIVE WEEKS like I NEEDED a BREAK from him? It was basically how her kids are wonderful and little angels and I have an abusive bully and one that is just too much for me to handle so she has to help take him off my hands.

First of all, I have fair skin. I’m 33 so yes, I do have fine lines around my eyes – crow’s feet I believe they’re called. I have no grey hair. I have no sun damage to my skin. I still get carded to go out. She, however, has grays, has LOTS of sun damage to her face and wrinkles too. Is it a big deal? No…but to go through your life trying to tell me I look older – she’s 4 year older than I am – it’s just typical her – belittling and putting someone else down to build herself up to make her feel better. She says that at my play date at the park that she and her girls went to that one of the mom’s asked if I were the older sister and that she was going to her 10 year reunion? I’m so sure… and to think that people at the July 4th cookout were going to her and asking who was the older sister (like anyone would really even GIVE A SHIT?) and when she wouldn’t give them an answer other than “guess” she said they asked Robert (my brother in law) … like my neighbors would seek out a total stranger to find out who is older – me or her? I mean, give me a freaking break?! But she doesn’t just make this shit up… she makes it up and sends it out to everyone on her e-mail list… (that she sends these epic e-mails to).

Then to go on and on about how Cannon didn’t get to walk around and that she had to be carried the entire time because Drew just had it in for her… that Drew kept taking HER toys out of her hand and hitting her over the head with them.

First off, was Drew acting out? Yes he was some but there is a good reason for it…

a) He’s TWO
b) He’s a boy
c) He was finally bigger than someone he was around
d) He went from being an only child in his home for 5 weeks since his brother was in Iowa visiting his biological father to having to share his toys, home and space with 3 girls to having his brother return half way through that

Drew’s little world was literally turned upside down. Did he as for that to happen? No he did not so acting out, yes, I knew it was because of all of this. Is that a reason to make him out to be some horrible child and that her children had to learn how to defend themselves and how to block hits… That’s just malicious and hitting below the belt.

And to be clear, Drew didn’t take HER toys out of HER hand… he took HIS toys.

At first, I thought, just let it go, who cares. Be the bigger person here... you're giving her too much power and control over your emotions. Then I felt hurt and betrayed and used and manipulated and realized that I ALWAYS feel this way after any extended contact with her. She is the single most negative person I have ever met in my life. She can't look at the positives... her rose colored glasses have been dipped in tar... her glass is eternally half-empty. It's true that misery loves company... because she wants to bring the world down with her. She thrives on DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA and I HATE drama. So why in the HELL would I want that in my life? I wouldn't so I chose to reply to her e-mail. Not in order to start an e-mail war (which usually is what happens -- I send her then she replies then I reply to her reply...it's just stupid) but honestly, I didn't even care to give her an explanation of anything. I just replied and said remove me from your mailing list... this and all future ones. I blocked her e-mail address and removed her numbers from my phones. I'm just done. Her malice in her choice of words, topics, adjectives and such just struck a nerve with me. So, I replied and asked her to remove me and then said “I’m done.” And that was it. It was sent and the removals began. I almost feel liberated because of it.

My son, Joshua, 7, even noticed how she was…. He asked me, “Why is she so mean?” He commented that she yells at them all the time. He said that the girls never listen to her. My SON NOTICED THIS?!

My explanation to him was that people mother in their own ways. She’s doing what she thinks is right because it’s her way…. I do what I think is right because that’s my way. And Josh replied…well, your way is the right way, she’s just wrong. I said… that’s called an opinion… and your opinion is that I’m a better mom. Her opinion would be different from yours because she obviously doesn’t think I am a better mom… but she’ll go back to California and we’ll just have to pray for her girls that they don’t turn out like her because I don’t think what she’s doing is right either.

But like I said, she likes to make everyone else look bad so she and her girls look like little angels. Her e-mail didn’t say anything about how her daughter wouldn’t eat a single thing that was put in front of her (cooked by me). Before she ever knew what was being served, before a plate was even placed before her… she’d just whine “I don’t want that”…. She threw a fit at dinner one night because Drew had tater tots and she didn’t. So I made her tater-tot casserole the next night – she wouldn’t eat it. I continually asked my sister if I should just cook them some chicken nuggets, fish sticks or something – I had a freezer full. She just said – no, they’ll eat what you cook or they’ll go hungry. So I don’t think a night passed that Sorenna didn’t go to bed hungry.

Everything about their entire lives is controlled by her. It’s just so sad and I was so ready to have that negativity out of my space. The only time I ever saw her smile was when she was holding her youngest in the morning or at night. She yells at her kids all the time… counts to them like she’s a drill sergeant. She wont even let her 6 year old pick out her own clothes… they get no choices. It’s just so sad.

Needless to say, we butted heads on more than one occasion… Tuesday night she told me that she had no plans the next day…that it was the first day that she had nothing to do. I was unaware of her schedule or anything so I had made plans to take my boys to my moms, take my car into the shop and have a friend pick me up and go to the mall and to lunch… she told my mom that she couldn’t come over there because my boys were going to be there and she’d have to hold cannon the entire time and watch sorenna because Drew was just after them all. And she couldn’t just leave them there because that’d be too much for my mom to handle. So that was her excuse. I overheard her telling my mom this on the phone. So I called my mom and said – you can see my boys anytime…I’ll take them with me and you can spend the day with the girls. She doesn’t need another excuse not to come over there. It’s not a big deal. Your granddaughters live in California and you haven’t seen them in two years… have some fun with them. We’ll come see you after they leave. So she told my sister and then she just can’t because there’s been too many changes of plans and now… had plans to go to a water park… have a play date, etc…. I’m like…?? She told me last night that she had no plans. So my mom – who was going to get to see her grandsons – I took that away… now her daughter and her 3 granddaughters weren’t coming over so she was really going to be the one missing out…so I called her and said, do you want me to still bring the boys over? She said, sure… go ahead… so I did…. I had to stop for gas on the way and my sister called me to ask me a question and we got into it on the phone. I just flat out told her that it was really crappy for her to make all these plans to do stuff with her friends when the girl’s grandmother WANTS to see them but she’s making more time to spend with her friends than her own family and that I thought that was pretty crappy. She tried going off and saying, “well, I TOLD mom on Sunday...” and I said, “I don’t care what you told mom.” She interrupted and said, “I TOLD MOM…” and I said clearly and slowly, “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU TOLD MOM” and she hung up on me (we didn’t talk much after that for the rest of her trip). So, I got to mom’s house and got the boys settled in… and she said, do you know who called me after we got off the phone? I said?? No. She said, “Your sister – she’s on her way with the girls.” I said… but I thought she had play dates and water parks? She said, apparently not. She didn’t tell her that the boys were there… she just figured it out when she got there. Apparently they had a good time together.

My dad is a wonderful man though sometimes (in my opinion) he just needs to have an opinion. Fatherly advice isn’t a bad thing. If you choose to never express your opinion to your children, how will they ever learn to grow from your knowledge and experiences? He came over to watch her girls Friday so she could attend her high school reunion mixer – (the 20th reunion – not the 10th – keep dreaming!) and when she got back, my dad asked her a simple question. Did you have a good time? Her reply was, “yeah BUT…” and went on this laundry list of negatives… he did interrupt her and said… That’s not what I asked. I asked you if you had a good time. She said, “yes”... and he said Good. And that was the end of the conversation. So I KNOW that he sees the negativity she spews forth in every conversation.

She still goes on and on about a funeral she never even went to … her ex-step son – who she really never had anything good to say about anyway -- died in a vehicle accident this year. She tried to tell me that his family that got up to speak at the funeral just made it all about them… She hasn’t been involved with this child in MANY years… he could have been a completely different person.. She didn’t know how his family dynamic had changed… but she just had to comment on something she had no first-hand knowledge of...??? Why? I just don’t understand why it had anything to do with her ever again???? And she still feels the need to beat it up? My response to her was that the death of a child is something I can’t even imagine how they must have felt trying to deal with it publicly at a funeral where everyone spoke (even the parents) and if they needed to make some things known about the type of parents they felt they were, then that was their right. Everyone handles death in their own way… and that since she wasn’t there we shouldn’t really even talk about it… and I changed the subject.

Do I hope to gain anything by choosing to distance myself from her? Yes, the cancer and disease she brings into my heart and life…. The negativity she spews forth in every conversation – it will be absent from my heart… she won’t be.

Everything in life isn’t about her – this entire blog entry is.LOL… but the rest of life doesn’t revolve around her.

OK… on to bigger and better things..

Balloons, Potatoes and Ceiling Fans Do Not Mix

So I tied the remnants of Drew's 2nd birthday party (2 Buzz Lightyear mylar balloons) to the handle of the basket holding all the dog toys. Drew had puzzles, pegs, and all sorts of entertainment so I thought he was safe to leave alone so I could go pee. I walk back into the living room (literally 6 feet) and he's figured out how to untie the balloons and they are headed straight for the ceiling fan. BAM... the string rips one off and shoots it across the living room ceiling...the other (the one that had the 100 foot of blue ribbon attached to it) proceeds to spin with the blades wrapping ever so tightly around the motor. Nice huh? I freak and run pressing every button on the light switch not remembering which one controls the fan. I climb onto the coffee table -- not the smartest thing to do with your 2 year old watching I'm sure.... but I try in all desperation to STOP the blades with my hand.. realizing that I can't get it unwound b/c I'm too short, I run to the kitchen with the little man on my coattails watching my every move. He's studying how to handle stressful situations no doubt -- I grab a pair of tongs from the metal utensil drawer (the good kind from Williams-Sonoma work well for this) and a pair of scissors... after cutting the balloon itself free, I work on unwinding the blue ribbon. I grab the tongs and hold the ribbon out so I can cut it... then unwind it a time or two with my fingers... that's when I realize my little shadow is in the metal utensil drawer in the kitchen as well. I'm sure he's about to break out the pots and pans and "cook" up some grub... but alas... he comes into the living room weilding a sparkly silver potato masher in the air. He's there to fix it all and make it better... one potato at a time. I laughed so hard I cried. He was so proud of himself...every time I held the tongs up... that potato masher was waving down below. Together, he and I, got the blue ribbon unwound, the balloons to safety and the fan running again. All in a day's work.

Sent Packing!

Josh's first day of summer camp was today! He's going to Adventure Team Kids camp at Meadowmere Park on Lake Grapevine. When I picked him up, his eyes were so bloodshot, he looked like a little stoner. They shot pellet guns, practiced fishing, played in the lake, kayaked... it was a great time for a boy in the summer! I bought a CD of photos from his week there so hopefully I'll get that Friday morning and get to have some great shots to scrap!

Wow what a day!

My dad is such a wise man... has noble quotes... noble thoughts... good deeds... no short tongue... and once he said, "You choose how you respond to a bad situation. People don't make you angry, you have to choose to react that way." Well, today, I was PISSED STRESSED over-done and just UNGH ready to collapse!

Drew woke up on the wrong side of the crib this morning. WHat's so sad, however, is that he knows now when he does something and will say "saah-eee mommie" or if he has an odd request like handing you the plate before he's taken a bite because it doesn't particularly suit his palette... he will spout out "keh-koo mommy" (thank you mommy). And I guess that's supposed to make it all better. I'll have to admit, however, that it IS awful cute!

So, get the little guy up... get him fed... get my life going... he just whines and cries and screams and pouts... starts hitting his brother... and throwing things. You name it, it's been done today. I finally got sick of listening to the whine.... so I started to vacuum. LOL... nothing like drowning out the shrills of little people with a big ole Hoover Windtunnel! :) Works every time. Until you go to do the play closet and your oldest (Josh 7) is grabbing his head crying. So I shut off the deafener only to hear him whining because he got whacked with a buzz lightyear on the head by none other than the little slugger himself -- Drew. Oh the drama! I'm ready for them to be able to just duke it out so I can get out of the middle of it. I tried telling Josh... if he does something and we're not around to take care of it for you, you say no...get up and leave. Let him know that if he does things like that his fun (that would be YOU here son) goes away. Eventually he will grasp the concept that he can't hit people. But Josh, too, was a hitter...

Lunch... what a joke... he wouldnt' touch a thing on his plate... popcorn shrimp. He chewed the breading off of one and put the little shrimp over to the right side of his tray. He was more concerned that they were on his NEMO plate than whether or not he chose to dine. So, he drank a sippy cup of "buh buh buh" juice (we call it vegetable juice -- it's actually a V8 fruit/vegetable juice). I'm trying to get him to realize that buh buh buhs aren't a bad creature...they're actually good...see.. you ahve buh buh buh juice... why can't you EAT a buh buh buh. But alas, he just refuses to eat anything. It's probably the single most aggravating thing ever. Having a picky eater is not what I signed up for. I feel like my mom card is going to be revoked at any minute.

What he will eat.... cereal -- prefers it dry mostly. If you give him Lucky Charms, he'll pick out all the marshmellows and ask for "mo" (more)... unless you help him scoop up marshmellows AND cereal...then he'll eat it. He likes waffles -- usually. Lately, however, he hasn't been finishing those either. He won't eat pancakes, french toast, sausage, cheese toast, eggs or oatmeal.

Lunch.... Dinner... pretty much the same thing around here. Chicken nuggets and french fries. Staple in our diet. peanut butter and jelly -- but they have to be the Smuckers Uncrustables. He's finally starting to eat grape jelly. For a while, it was only strawberry. He DID eat about 75% of an Arby's Jr. roast beef the other day. He USED to eat popcorn shrimp but today he wanted to simply set them free. He won't eat fish sticks, sandwiches (though from time to time you can get him to eat a grilled cheese). He will eat a quesadilla and a bean burrito from Taco Bell.... and I've seen him eat a cheese burger once.. not all of it... but that's it... not a vegetable to save his life.

TOday was also grocery day -- Wal-Mart...walk in the door and what does he do? SCREAM FOR COOKIES at the bakery. Now this is AFTER he KNOWS he won't get anything else to eat at home b/c he hasn't eaten anything all day (his lunch went untouched but he sucked down the ENTIRE cup of buh buh buh juice before I realized he was doing that and filling up on liquids). So, of course, we can't break tradition, to the cookies we went... only to have him be a toot and throw one on the floor and then scream because he can't have it back -- -would YOU eat off a Wal-Mart floor? I didn't think so.

Did I mention he likes to sing now..??? sing/scream.... he tried out his opera lungs at Wal-Mart this evening..and of course, once I get to the check out aisle... I realze I have forgotten the one thing we were eating for dinner tonight. UGH! It's been THAT kind of day.

Tomorrow Josh has his week long summer camp at Lake Grapevine and I'm looking forward to my dr's appointment on Tuesday to get myself healthy and checked out. Drew WILL be a better kid tomorrow... if not, I can always lock him in the toy closet right?

KIDDING!

I'm ready for my life to get back to normal...trying to entertain the "I'm boreds" 24/7 is getting very old!

What a bunch of CROP

It's Friday... it's Friday. (doing the happy dance) I'm going to a crop at Recollections organized by another scrapper in my neighborhood. I'm quite excited. Got the boys up and ready ... fed..napped...got me packed... fed kids again... (taco bell -- make it a quick lunch)... dressed and to Adventure Playcare they went! I was so excited to get there and get working on my projects (finished both of them by the way! WOO HOO).... then 6 pm rolls around and the rest of the gang starts showing up. I recognized 2 of them. Then I asked and they were all in the neighborhood playgroup. I kind of made a face because it really makes me sad that the organizer won't let me back "in". I WAS in the playgroup -- or on the mailing list for it -- but it was when Drew was still taking 2 naps a day. Unfortunately, most of their activities were during his naptime so I didn't go. When he was able to, however, I did attend. Then I just stopped receiving the newsletter. I asked why and was told that if you don't come to the events you're out -- without warning, just deleted from the list. So I asked to be put back on the list and still have never received anything. So, I e-mailed the special groups coordinator and asked why it's for the moms in our HOA if you're really not allowed unless she wants you on the list? Is it my fault that things were organized during the times that my kid naps? No...but why am I not allowed to try to make the events that I can? She agreed with me and said she'd talk to the organizer and see about getting me back on the list? I'd asked... I don't understand why I'm being singled out and given such ill-will over a stupid mailing for a play group? Why? Isn't it hard enough trying to find entertainment for preschoolers alone... moms find strength in numbers... why is she trying so hard for me to not feel a part of the group? What have I done to offend her that she won't find the time to add my e-mail address to a group distribution list? It just seems so petty to be like this. I simply want my son to know some kids in his neighborhood. I don't see how that's too much to ask? What if a mom had a baby and couldn't come to events for 3-4 months? Or just had surgery? What if whe was put on bedrest? She going to just drop her too and disregard her requests to rejoin?

Does she jsut have it out for me? The coordinator called one of her friends that was attending the crop and she asked her specifically if I was there. Why would she care if I was there? Is she concerned I'm going to bad mouth her to her friends? I'd never do that. I do feel I've been unjustly ousted but I've got better things to do than talk about someone behind her back to her friends....that's kind of juvenile.

I did say (and did mean and hope) that I wished she'd been there so that I could have talked to her and asked to be "un kicked out of the playgroup"... they were like ? you were kicked out? And I said, well, my name was removed because most of the events were during Drew's nap time but we've changed his naptime now so I can be involved but she won't add me back to the list.

I"m not trying to stir up anything but I don't see how you can have an organization that is FOR the entire HOA's moms and their children and NOT let all the HOA moms and their children participate unless they come to the amount of items YOU feel they should? That, to me, sounds like a personal playgroup and not one for the HOA. It's not fair and I don't see why I'm being singled out.

Lunch, Pictures and Meetings

I took the boys to Mi Cocina after my sister-in-law asked for us to go with them for lunch (they were in town from Houston)... I knew Laura was going off to college soon, Mande starting school and who knows when we'd see them again so of course, we went. Drew had a great time at first... trying on Mimi's reading glasses. They had little red frames and he thought he was the cutest thing. Kept asking for "bip"... (chips)... ordered him a quesadilla... Josh some nachoes (Drew ate about 1/2 his lunch)... I think Josh ate 1 or 2 nachos. For a growing boy, he sure don't eat much. I had some enchiladas -- yum-o! :) It was so miserable stinking hot...walking back to the car I almost thought I'd locked my keys inside. BLECH!

Home for naps... then we went to JC Penney's to get the boy's pictures taken! The room we went in -- the camera broke the second we were there (when drew was actually in a good mood and ready to say CHEEEEEEEZE)... so we had tdo wait and after that he wasn't much fun. Josh is in the stage of the fake smiles... so I really didn't get good pictures of him for turning 7 ... but I ordered one of the shots anyway. I got a few more of Drew... he looked quite the little charmer! Most I bought were in sepia. Love that!

I hate how grainy they look on their proof page though. Kind of sucks because you can't really make out some of the shots... otherwise, I'd have bought more of JOsh... couldn't tell if one was a smile or a snarl....

After that, I went to a GCSML Planning Meeting at Amy Vermillion's house. It was quite lovely....lasted about 3 1/2 hours. There were some good nibbles there! Some people also brought some decadent desserts -- I passed on those and just grabbed a few pretzels, celery, etc. I drank Diet Coke too (big mistake b/c couldn't sleep later).

Was glad to get home and get in bed to just go to sleep. I've been so tired lately...something going on w/my bod... gotta get it checked out.

Clubhouse Playdate

I met Erica and Zane at The Clubhouse for Kids Only in Bedford for a playdate. Also invited Heather, a mom I met off Mamasource that is new to Keller. We had a great time for about two hours... until Drew hit that whiney zone from expending too much energy and not enough food. I'd never SEEN so many kids there. There were several area day cares on "field trips" there that day... it was freakin CRAZY! The little guys that are between 20 months and 4 years old just don't stand a chance to those older kids running on fruit juice and donuts! Josh was really good watching out for Drew...they spent most of their time hiding in the bottom of the tree house.

Erica looks so adorable -- she's having a little girl and is about 5 months along.... starting to show (BARELY!) but she's so cute!

Zane... jsut has the teeniest of bumps... pregnant too.. they're finding out what they're having soon. She looked adorable too though!

Nothing else to report. :)