Thursday, November 17, 2005

Poignant Moments

Ever have those poignant moments where your heart is just tugged in about 100 different directions? I had one this morning. I was dropping my eldest off at school. Sometimes I feel so lazy because I let him walk up the covered sidewalk walkway to the door by himself while other parents walk their children in (Pre-K parents HAVE to) but I, since having Drew, have given Josh the choice -- usually asking him if he wants me to walk him up and he always elects to do it alone. I'm not sure if that's a big step for him or if it's a silent defeat for me. Do I want him to NEED me to walk him up or just even WANT me to. In that small path, he usually runs into a friend and I watch them walk in together so I know I'm not the only mom staying warm in the car, but it still makes me feel like he's so much closer to not needing me at all. This morning it was chilly - in the 30s and he was wearing his thick coat and his red/grey fleece hat because he said his ears were cold and I watched him walk up there all by himself and I felt sad that he had no friends to walk with and I wanted to get out of my car and walk with him so he wouldn't be alone. I know it sounds really silly but I sat in my car nearly in tears knowing that these days won't last long... pretty soon, he won't WANT me to walk him... not just not need me to. So, in these next few weeks -- as cold as it may be... I'm going to walk my little man to his class. We will get to school a little earlier so I can help him get everything in his locker and out of his backpack and we can have one more moment of walking hand in hand together... while he still wants me to. They grow up so fast!

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