Saturday 9 - Live and Let Die

 It's Saturday so you know what THAT means -- It's time for The Saturday 9!  

1) "Live and Let Die" was nominated for an Oscar as best song. Do you have a favorite movie song? I do not... I enjoy music based on my moods and so one song would never be a constant favorite... regardless of the movie.  There are some great soundtracks out there, however!

2) The latest Bond movie, Skyfall, is crazy successful. Have you seen it/do you want to see it?  Doesn't everyone?!  I haven't seen it yet, but I will.  Likely not in the theaters, though.  I don't ever seem to have the time to go to the movies.

3) What do you think makes Bond movies so enduringly popular?  Everyone loves a good mystery... he has the coolest cars... gets to utilize the most ingenious technology... get to shoot people... gets the girl.... What's not to love?

4) Do you have a favorite among the actors who have played "Bond, James Bond?"  Well, Pierce was more my age group so those were more "modern" and liked at one point... but Roger and Sean were AWESOME as Bond!  

5) Bond orders martinis -- "shaken, not stirred." What's your regular drink order?  Water, with lime.  Yes, I'm boring.  Suck it!

6) Moving from the bar to breakfast -- do you have a favorite cereal?  Steel cut oats cooked overnight with vanilla almond milk, diced apples, cinnamon and some Splenda brown sugar blend.  

7) Let's daydream about warm weather. Would you rather swim in a lake, the ocean, or an outdoor pool?  While there's something oh so inviting about swimming in the ocean, I'm not too hip on the fact that you can't see what's lurking beneath you.  Plus, I'm not a fan of the idea of being something's snack -- so I'll take a swimming pool any day.

8) Did you get 8 hours' sleep last night?  Surprisingly, yes!  

9) What are you wearing on your feet right now?  Nothing, my feet are NAKED!  GASP!  (Does this mean my blog is rated R now?)  

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 16

Oh November.... the month to ponder all things thanks-worthy....and that leads me to ... dum dum dum duuuummmm dummmmm (that was supposed to sound quite fantastical if you say it out loud with increasing octaves).  No?  Well, it did in my head

Today I am thankful for MUFFIN TOPS!!!

Just to clarify, however, I am NOT talking about THESE.... and you know she thinks she look gooooooood!   

 and I'm fairly certain this girl -- she's just glad she could button them... can you imagine the force required to actually effect the buttoning of that waistline?  And, I'm fairly certain the pounds per square inch of force being put upon that button... defies the laws of physics... when she gets home at night and pops that button I bet it's like a can of biscuits just poppin out everywhere!

and just because there are TONS of these on the web.... lets just check out MORE of these revolting dolts

  I seriously think she got into the wrong drawer today.  So, if it covers your ass crack, then it fits?  Is that the rule now?  Because what's even MORE odd, to me, is that she really HAS no ass... just a great amount of back fat...bizarre.

 Bleh...I just don't even get it.  A) how she'd think that were attractive  B) how a guy would think that were attractive  C) why anyone would want to see someone fat blobbing over their waistline?

and this.... really?  REALLLY???

I do have to follow it up with some parting words of advice for all of those who provided the visual aids for today's post, even though it's completely unsolicited

So, now that the nonsense is out of the way, to further demonstrate what I'm thankful for... let me show you a little visual aid to see if it helps jog your memory to which muffin top I refer....



Remember this little nugget from Seinfeld?  (Oh, how I miss that show!)  Yes, I'm actually referring to the TOP OF THE MUFFIN!  :)

SIDEBAR ----> Dunkin Donuts has THE BEST MUFFINS!  Yum... though I'm sure they're loaded with sugar and fat and white enriched flour and all kinds of sinful, delicious stuff... but if you're ever in need of a good muffin -- or just a muffin top --- hit them up.  You'll thank me!  :)  Oh and blueberry is the best!  :)

16th -- thankful for muffin tops!

Friday Fill-Ins

Yea!!  It's Friday!  Time for another episode of Friday Fill-Ins.  Ready?  Set!  Go!!!

1. If you want it badly enough, there is nothing that can stop you from having it. 


2. I love when Babe (the pig) is singing la la la in his movie. 

3. I have to ask you, do you realize how annoying you are when you don't shut up? 

4. Bad vices; equates to bad habits. 


5. I didn't have time or I didn't MAKE time.  People tend to make time for what is important to them. 

6. Being sore, shakey and feeling nauseous after an intense workout session is something I love beyond all reason.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to nothing, tomorrow my plans include sending my eldest off to his bio-dad's for the holiday (boo hoo!!!) but other than that, nothing and Sunday, I want to see about 30 of my friends from high school at our monthly luncheon -- share some Mexican food, a margarita, some laughs, lots of pictures and have a great time! 

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 15

Today has been a challenge... of sorts.... not to go into any detail, obviously.... if for no other reason than... I know that you don't really care!  Ha!  So, because of today's challenge... I'm getting real deep and expressing that I'm quite thankful for... LAUGHTER!

And, I feel the need clarify exactly what I mean by laughter.  I mean laughter as in an uncontrollable response to some positive stimuli -- not a nervous facade or a "courtesy laugh" -- I hate those.  I'm talking about an outward expression to an inward emotion.  Genuine happiness.

I'm talking the true moment when you are so tickled (and not by someone's fingers) but on the inside -- in your soul!  Audible laughs.

  (you know, kind of like this)

The best ones are the ones when you're laughing so hard you can barely breathe and if you tried to explain to someone what you're laughing about... they'd never get it because you'd be... completely incomprehensible!



Laughter is an underrated sometimes very unappreciated gift.

Laughter is magical.

Laughter is... awesome!

Those persons that evoke laughter deserve a special place in your heart because to reach a person in that capacity, is truly special.

Friends that can take away the nerves, jitters, butterflies and make you forget.... by filling you with laughter...

Frankly, if you can share laughter in the middle of .... times when it's less than "traditional".... or expected.... and not be ashamed (lol -- that's an inside joke for you yee haws that don't know any better)

If you can be the butt of jokes and not get your panties in a wad.... or mixed up in surgical tape... then you've got a true blue keeper of a partner right there my friend!

Laughter truly is the best medicine... next to guacamole.  

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 14

One more day to halfway! Yippie skippy! And yet another recap in case you've you're ignoring my creativity.

Day 1: glow sticks
Day 2: Pampers
Day 3: cold weather
Day 4: Canton, TX
Day 5: Q-tips
Day 6: Inside jokes
Day 7: The inexistence of mind readers
Day 8: Wal-Martians
Day 9: Thongs
Day 10: Anti-Depressants
Day 11: China
Day 12: Pickles
Day 13: Spam

OOOOH it's time for the announcement of number 14.  Ten plus four.  Exciting stuff I tell ya!  Today, I'm thankful for... CONSUMERISM DRIVEN BY SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE!



I had a lovely conversation with someone not to terribly long ago who made me laugh.

She has fake hair (extensions)with fake color (highlights)

fake nails (acrylic)

fake eyelashes (extensions) 

  fake tan (Mystic)

Botox                   
   fake lips (collegen)

fake eyes (colored contacts)

   fake boobs (silicone)

liposuction 

   and only wears department store makeup

lives to shop

and loves her brand names.... 

...and then had me laughing when she admitted she was not superficial... or ...and this is a quote "fake".  WHATEVER!!!!!  

My friends, she is the epitome of everything I am not.  But her, and her type drives women who happen to reside around me to ridiculous levels of consumerism.  I truly believe Southlake IS the plastic surgery capital of Texas.  I truly believe women dress up here to impress each OTHER instead of themselves or (gasp) their MEN!

For me, the very idea of the time investment she places in solely in herself... on a daily basis... floors me.  Trust me when I say that I have no problem with people taking care of themselves...I really don't.  But I just can't even fathom that level of maintenance!  I just can't.



And then when it spews over to the kids...

...they turn their little boys into these metrosexual pieces of hair gel and baby Gap!  Boys are meant to be dirty creatures that say obscene things and pick their noses... play in the dirt and have fun... bring home snakes and lizards and wear holes in the   knee of their britches...

Little boys do not need designer skinny jeans with designs all over the butt pockets...

And...frankly...neither do MEN.  They look stupid.  And I'll stand by that... to anyone!

Women... if you shop for your men, quit making them look like ... IDIOTS!

If YOU want to be 100% trendy... do it.  However, give the guys a break.  Sheesh!  You make them look RIDICULOUS!  There really should be a fashion level for how many pieces of clothing one can wear that is "trendy" at one time -- especially over the age of 30 (because you should just know better by then).

So, it seems that the land where I live is filled with the superficial... the overly trendy... the oh so very fake... the extremely superficial...

But... their consumerism brings in some GREAT stores (that I never patronize)... and some fantastically trendy eateries (that I never visit) and, well, they do offer good blog fodder, huh?  So, for that, I'm thankful.

 

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 13

Wow, we're getting closer to that halfway point.  I'm not sure, however, that the halfway point of November is truly the pinnacle of our journey together, but it sure makes you think that it's something quite special is coming around the corner, no?  Who cares, right?

As always, our friendly recap in case you've missed any prior installments.

Day 1: glow sticks

Day 2: Pampers

Day 3: cold weather

Day 4: Canton, TX

Day 5: Q-tips

Day 6: Inside jokes

Day 7: The inexistence of mind readers

Day 8: Wal-Martians

Day 9: Thongs

Day 10: Anti-Depressants

Day 11: China

Day 12:  Pickles

and that leads us to LUCKY 13.  Woo hoo!  

I thought of several worthy nouns that would be suitable to be considered "lucky" to be not only ON my list but also "lucky"... however, nothing quite measured up to the idea of SPAM!  SPAM glorious SPAM!  Yes, that's right, I'm thankful for SPAM!

However, not this spam....
   I'm thankful for THIS spam.    Spam EMAIL.  Believe it,it's true!  Why in the WORLD would I be thankful for spam?  It's GREAT blog fodder!  DUH!  Plus, how in the world would I have found out about all the lotteries that I won and never entered?  Huh?  You tell me that!   

I figure that I wind up on many spam lists because of places I've shopped, browsed, etc. where cookies were enabled.  Perhaps it was items I searched for or memberships/subscriptions I've had.  Regardless of how they came to obtain my e-mail address, I'm spammed -- a LOT.

So, lets just take a little looksee and see what in the world I've obviously been up to lately according to my spam folder.

I need to move because there is a CHILD PREDATOR in my area!  (gasp!)

I have lucked out and can get an AT&T smartphone for only ONE CENT!  WOW!

My life insurance needs have increased, so I should contact this company RIGHT AWAY to ensure my family is adequately covered.  If I don't like them, I can contact one of the other FIVE companies that have sent communications regarding the same.  

Apparently, I'm searching for "neglected and lonely" housewives and "hot single babes" in my area.  And "Sexy Jessica" wants me to view her pictures.  Only problem with that is that I fear she may be like something from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I'll pass on that invitation .. this time.  In fact, in one window of 25, there were 12 e-mails regarding women.  I think I've been playing on the wrong team all my life?  Perhaps they know something I don't.... LOL

I'm fat.  I need to "lose weight now" with some magic potion... and if that fails, I can always obtain lap band surgery.  I have copious amounts of spam for that.  Way to make a girl feel good for working hard on her body!

My outdoor enthusiast has piqued someone's interest because I can obtain Hunter magazine for only 1 cent!  ;)  Wow, all these one cent deals!  What a bargain!  

Someone knows it's impossible for me to be on time with three kids... so there is a special on watches!  I can get a Rolex for ... you guessed it!  ONE CENT!  Those have to be authentic... especially since I received about 80 of them!  They must REALLY want me to be on time!


Dalworth knows I want new floors.  And they're there to deliver!

Cigars are on my Christmas list apparently because I have not one.  Not two.  But TWENTY SEVEN e-mails regarding them (and that's just the ones I counted).  And, don't we ALL look like this chick when we're smoking cigars?  BLEH!  

I also received one for an electronic cigarette   If you've resorted to electronic cigarettes  you might as well just die of lung cancer because YOU ARE ridiculous.  Get some f'n willpower already!


New job -- Someone apparently is looking to hire me because my skills are in high demand (heh heh..aren't they?)  Maybe THAT is who has had my background checked!  ALERT!  


My credit has also been checked!  Hackers!  Maybe they're the ones that ran the background check because my credit is also in need of REPAIR!!!!  OH NO!  No worries about Christmas, however, because I have about thirty e-mails where I can get a $1,000 loan with no background check and bad credit is okay!  Whew!  I was really sweating that for like... a nanosecond!

I must say that I"m so excited to finally get a reply to my timeshare e-mail I never sent.  

And I received over ten e-mails over BED BUGS!  They're infesting the world!  I can't wait to see the B-rated movie that is going to come out!  (and TELL ME you didn't just get the heebie jeebies thinking about those f'n things crawling in your BED AT NIGHT??!?!?)

Self-made internet millionaires want to contact me IMMEDIATELY to tell me how to score big in today's economy.  Apparently, they haven't done their homework.... I've already been contacted by the Phillipino consulate to be a liaison between someone and their elderly grandfather.  They want me to hold his money in my American account and will pay me 10% for doing so.  Isn't that generous?  Wow, people over there are so trusting.  I"m flattered.  I'll just e-mail this person right now... you know, the one I have never met... and give them all of my banking information. :)  


I'm apparently going to travel to a foreign land and need to learn a new language.  Hmmm... that sounds interesting.  And the best part, this is just ONE of my four e-mail accounts.  I've got more entertainment yet to be had!   

Wow, I live a fascinating, entertaining life through SPAM.  Be thankful for it. You, too, may need the laugh someday.  

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 12

Let's just go ahead and start out with the automatic recap

Day 1: glow sticks
Day 2: Pampers
Day 3: cold weather
Day 4: Canton, TX
Day 5: Q-tips
Day 6: Inside jokes
Day 7: The inexistence of mind readers
Day 8: Wal-Martians
Day 9: Thongs
Day 10: Anti-Depressants
Day 11:  China

I just feel all kinds of giddy talking about today's "thankful" item.... because... well, I just love 'em.  

Today, I'm thankful for PICKLES!

Yes, PICKLES!  Those amazingly, crispy, wonderful, preserved cucumbers treated with vinegar and seasonings.... just ready to bite into and make a squinchy face (but only if they're TOO sour!)  

I've seen an adorable little blue-eyed boy try his first pickle and it's hilarious.  (Go ahead, click the link -- it's Benji trying his first one out!)  It's funny, to me, to listen to how he goes from a true laugh to .... I'm not so sure... to.... YUCK!  Ha ha!

Anyway, back to me  ---->  I love all kinds of pickles!  

Dill... 

Sweet Gherkins... 

Bread and Butter... 

These really delicious zesty ones that have a little bit of a kick to them but I can't remember the name... grrrrr..

Anyway ---> You name it!  If it's a pickle, I'll eat it!  Now, please understand, however, that A pickle is NOT the same thing AS "pickled" because people out there are disgusting, vile creatures that will eat refuse that I don't consider suitable for human consumption... they pickle all kinds of disgusting items... pigs' feet, eggs, beets... and the list gets more gross by the minute!

There are specifics times when cooking, however, when you must adhere to the proper pickle protocol (the "PPP" if you will).  For instance, if you make deviled eggs, you must use sweet relish.  If you make Southern potato salad, again, the pickle relish must be sweet.  If you make tuna salad, again... sweet.  We are from the SOUTH... we like our tea and our pickle relish -- SWEET!  Got that?  SUH-WEET!  The other thing... if your pickles are soggy, limp pieces of vegetation... send them elsewhere.  Pickles should have some level of crispness to them.  I'm not talking crunching like a bag of Lay's, I just mean they shouldn't be limpy spears.  Pickle spears should be firm and erect to be enjoyed!  


(Get your minds out of the gutter!  We are talking about PICKLES here!  Well, we were... until I went off course... so my mind must be... anyway.. what were we talking about?)

OOOH... PICKLES!

Fuddruckers has some fantastic pickle slices.  Most fast food establishments, however, SUCK!  

So.. today... tomorrow... enjoy them!  PICKLES!  I'm thankful!