Wednesday, November 14, 2012

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 13

Wow, we're getting closer to that halfway point.  I'm not sure, however, that the halfway point of November is truly the pinnacle of our journey together, but it sure makes you think that it's something quite special is coming around the corner, no?  Who cares, right?

As always, our friendly recap in case you've missed any prior installments.

Day 1: glow sticks
Day 2: Pampers
Day 3: cold weather
Day 4: Canton, TX
Day 5: Q-tips
Day 6: Inside jokes
Day 7: The inexistence of mind readers
Day 8: Wal-Martians
Day 9: Thongs
Day 10: Anti-Depressants
Day 11: China
Day 12:  Pickles

and that leads us to LUCKY 13.  Woo hoo!  

I thought of several worthy nouns that would be suitable to be considered "lucky" to be not only ON my list but also "lucky"... however, nothing quite measured up to the idea of SPAM!  SPAM glorious SPAM!  Yes, that's right, I'm thankful for SPAM!

However, not this spam....
   I'm thankful for THIS spam.    Spam EMAIL.  Believe it,it's true!  Why in the WORLD would I be thankful for spam?  It's GREAT blog fodder!  DUH!  Plus, how in the world would I have found out about all the lotteries that I won and never entered?  Huh?  You tell me that!   

I figure that I wind up on many spam lists because of places I've shopped, browsed, etc. where cookies were enabled.  Perhaps it was items I searched for or memberships/subscriptions I've had.  Regardless of how they came to obtain my e-mail address, I'm spammed -- a LOT.

So, lets just take a little looksee and see what in the world I've obviously been up to lately according to my spam folder.

I need to move because there is a CHILD PREDATOR in my area!  (gasp!)

I have lucked out and can get an AT&T smartphone for only ONE CENT!  WOW!

My life insurance needs have increased, so I should contact this company RIGHT AWAY to ensure my family is adequately covered.  If I don't like them, I can contact one of the other FIVE companies that have sent communications regarding the same.  

Apparently, I'm searching for "neglected and lonely" housewives and "hot single babes" in my area.  And "Sexy Jessica" wants me to view her pictures.  Only problem with that is that I fear she may be like something from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I'll pass on that invitation .. this time.  In fact, in one window of 25, there were 12 e-mails regarding women.  I think I've been playing on the wrong team all my life?  Perhaps they know something I don't.... LOL

I'm fat.  I need to "lose weight now" with some magic potion... and if that fails, I can always obtain lap band surgery.  I have copious amounts of spam for that.  Way to make a girl feel good for working hard on her body!

My outdoor enthusiast has piqued someone's interest because I can obtain Hunter magazine for only 1 cent!  ;)  Wow, all these one cent deals!  What a bargain!  

Someone knows it's impossible for me to be on time with three kids... so there is a special on watches!  I can get a Rolex for ... you guessed it!  ONE CENT!  Those have to be authentic... especially since I received about 80 of them!  They must REALLY want me to be on time!

Dalworth knows I want new floors.  And they're there to deliver!

Cigars are on my Christmas list apparently because I have not one.  Not two.  But TWENTY SEVEN e-mails regarding them (and that's just the ones I counted).  And, don't we ALL look like this chick when we're smoking cigars?  BLEH!  

I also received one for an electronic cigarette   If you've resorted to electronic cigarettes  you might as well just die of lung cancer because YOU ARE ridiculous.  Get some f'n willpower already!

New job -- Someone apparently is looking to hire me because my skills are in high demand (heh heh..aren't they?)  Maybe THAT is who has had my background checked!  ALERT!  

My credit has also been checked!  Hackers!  Maybe they're the ones that ran the background check because my credit is also in need of REPAIR!!!!  OH NO!  No worries about Christmas, however, because I have about thirty e-mails where I can get a $1,000 loan with no background check and bad credit is okay!  Whew!  I was really sweating that for like... a nanosecond!

I must say that I"m so excited to finally get a reply to my timeshare e-mail I never sent.  

And I received over ten e-mails over BED BUGS!  They're infesting the world!  I can't wait to see the B-rated movie that is going to come out!  (and TELL ME you didn't just get the heebie jeebies thinking about those f'n things crawling in your BED AT NIGHT??!?!?)

Self-made internet millionaires want to contact me IMMEDIATELY to tell me how to score big in today's economy.  Apparently, they haven't done their homework.... I've already been contacted by the Phillipino consulate to be a liaison between someone and their elderly grandfather.  They want me to hold his money in my American account and will pay me 10% for doing so.  Isn't that generous?  Wow, people over there are so trusting.  I"m flattered.  I'll just e-mail this person right now... you know, the one I have never met... and give them all of my banking information. :)  

I'm apparently going to travel to a foreign land and need to learn a new language.  Hmmm... that sounds interesting.  And the best part, this is just ONE of my four e-mail accounts.  I've got more entertainment yet to be had!   

Wow, I live a fascinating, entertaining life through SPAM.  Be thankful for it. You, too, may need the laugh someday.  

1 comment:

Alexis AKA MOM said...

LOL you freaking crack me up! Maybe we can take our lotto winnings are go somewhere sunny and sip some fruity adult drinks!