Monday, November 19, 2012

30 Days of Thanksgiving - Day 19

There are a lot of things you learn being a person of the "South".... one of which is the fact that if you want someone to assume that you have not one iota of intelligence, you speak to them in your native tongue -- a.k.a. "the Southern drawl."  It's the truth.

Think about it... If you want to sound intelligent, speak like an Englishman.

If you want to sound mysterious, throw in an Australian overtone.

If you want to sound ghetto, you speak Ebonics...

...annnnnnnd if you want to sound like a complete dumbass, talk like a Texan.

A hick...

A redneck...

White trash..

So, today, I'm saluting my apparent roots (being a native Texan) and I'm thankful for the Red Neck.

And, while all of these may have some similarities... they, too, do have some glaring differences.  So, while all  Texans aren't complete dolts (I mean, I AM one of them), a Texan may be a hick but not a redneck or white trash.... and a piece of white trash may be a complete hick but not a Texan.... So, this is definitely a mix-and-max menagerie of dipshidiots, it doesn't necessarily mean they are all one in the same.

Typically I'm thinking of a red neck as someone with a huge dip in his mouth, cheap beer in his cooler, a Rebel flag somewhere in or on his vehicle, a name tag on his shirt, a mullet on his head, a NASCAR t-shirt proudly displayed across his wimpy chest, an obsession with hunting and... Wal-Mart... and is probably willing to travel the entire countryside as a groupie for Lynyrd Skynyrd, they completely relate to Larry the Cable Guy and probably even mutter "Git R Dun" on a daily basis at some point.

And most importantly, Jeff Foxworthy would be without a job if it weren't for my brethren so he, too, should DEFINITELY be thankful.... for RED NECKS...

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