Thursday, November 8, 2012

A Month of Thankfulness -- Day 8

Today, I'm thankful for Wal-Martians for without them, some people would never be able to feel better about themselves... or feel comfortable going out in public some place that isn't as accepting of their species as is Wal-Mart.

I can honestly say that I have never witnessed some of this brand of "strange" first hand, but I know it's out there.... camera phones do not lie.

There are literally thousands of these photos out there.... This guy apparently escaped the set of BrokeBack Mountain to grab some Bud Light.  He seems to have forgotten something, however....

This is one hot pink mess of a muffin top!  You really shouldn't try to fit into your toddler's clothing!  I can only hope that her daughter has a better sense of self worth... and less pink.

She's smiling.  She clearly is a lunatic.  Couldn't you see her frolicking down the aisles in her tutu and tiara without a care in the world?  You can, can't you?  See?  That's why this shit is NORMAL at WALMART!!!  The very fact that you CAN totally envision her being all giggly and giddy about all this friggin tulle is ... crazy. Perhaps you should join her.

He hasn't seen his man parts in the better part of fifteen years, I'm guessing.  If you have to spread your legs apart for the sole purpose to need to let a forty pound fleshy bag of fat hang between your legs, you really, REALLY need to lay off the cheeseburgers and, I don't know, pick up a dumbbell or something.

I've seen far too many people of Wal-Mart with the telltale signs of severe abdominal distress.  How does one not KNOW they have shat upon themselves?  Bleh!

I have also seen many images of the nests of tangled, matted, ratted, disgusting lumps of what was formerly known as human hair.  I don't understand how one simply wakes up one day and chooses never again to comb their hair... that they'd rather have it in one immobile clump caked with a stench equally large.  I fully believe hoarders could hide dead things in here and they'd never know.  That HAS to itch.  That IS disgusting.  She could wear Native American clothing, add a little face to the end and she has some type of ceremonial pelt already attached to her hair!  Now THERE's a great idea!  I bet she could apply for jobs and be given them based on her Native American heritage, too.

This.... took a helluva lot of AquaNet.

Do you see that his pants are two sizes too large?  Hers are two sizes too small.  That is just.... absolutely nasty.  I seriously think the only reason he is with her is because she could beat his ASS if he tried to leave.

Ever amazed at the human body, I am.  Do you see how small her waist really is?  ... and them BAM add about 2 feet onto the hips.  That's just crazy.  Even being, there is a bright orange cone of a person walking with her who should clearly tell her that the crack of her ass is hanging out the back of her pants.  I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL THAT DAMN DRAFT LADY?!  I have seen this in Wal-Mart before and it takes every single FIBER of my being not to throw ANYTHING down the back of their pants for target practice.  IT's disgusting.  YOU CAN FEEL THE DRAFT.... and more importantly, I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTTHOLE when you BEND OVER FOR PAPER PLATES!  Either lay off the Cheetoes or BUY SOEM BIGGER PANTS!  Just because you can fasten them, does NOT MEAN THEY FIT!

She took the idea of a Sobakawa pillow to a whole new level.  Just sayin'.

Head band? Check.  Lace fabric?  Check.  Jeans with extra pockets sewn on the front in navy?  Check.  Feigning appearance of a bra?  Check  American flag tied around and used to hold up the right boob?  Check.  Appearance of being in deep thought?  Check.  She may be a hippie freak, but... frankly... she's cool... in a creepy-don't-do-that-in-public type of way.  I bet she plays guitar, sits around getting stoned, drinks Jack Daniels out of a Sonic cup, reads everything she can get her hands on and hangs out in the nudist colony with her equally creepy man... the one with the shaved head and 3 foot rat tail hanging down the back... which was tie-dyed.

One hot mess.... literally.

Again with the hair...  and people of size... horizontal stripes are NOT your friend.

Oh look, this is the hippie's offspring!

Get a dressing room...

Don't you all feel quite superior now?

You do?

You're welcome.

:)  You, too, can be thankful for ... Wal-Martians.

1 comment:

chksngr said...

so, some of these are Halloween costumes, I think...they are employees with badges. but that last one...I think he may be trying to be her bra. She is obviously wearing his shoes, his shirt, and his shorts...she might not have a bra and needs his could be the WORST morning-after-walk-of-shame EVER!