Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Spot Checker

I am a fair skinned woman who actually used to thought that I could get a tan. Whoever planted that seed in my brain really needs to have their head examined. I am not the tan goddess on the beach, I'm the WHITE one with FLAMES shooting off her shoulders, legs and abdomen. Yee gads!

But recently when a dear friend was diagnosed with skin cancer (and she's got beautiful skin, though tan -- but not burned -- beautiful skin... did I say beautiful skin?) When I was like... CANCER??? I swear the word echoed aloud inside the confines of my skull for what felt like eternity. I called that day trying to find a dermatologist to go get a full body exam just to make sure.

I go to the office, fill out my forms, sit and wait... see all the teens in their puberty with their acne coming in - so glad I never had to go through that.

i get called back to a room and a nurse comes in - and let me tell you - the man must have some kind of a sense of humor becuase it's an antique doctor's chair that you're supposed to sit on -- like an antique examining table... was beyond creepy... she just asks general questions... I answer..she says, remove everything to your bra and underwear and put this on open in the front. I'm like.. ok? Don't you even want to tell me your name since you're about to see me naked? Ugh...

I do as requested and then in walks Dr. Honadel. HE makes eye contact, asked what I was there for and without further adieu he was just speakin in words too long for my wee little brain to comprehend without a warm up session... raise here... lower there... and then ok... any concerns? No? No. OK... you look fine see you in a year, bye bye and he was out the door. I swear the entire thing took maybe 30 seconds. I have NEVER been to an office and felt so absolutely... almost victimized by my visit there... it was really weird... just really weird...I know I'll need to go back EVENTUALLY... maybe I'll make up a bunch of stuff or have Josh and drew draw colored spots just to have something to talk about to make hi actually breathe, stop and act like he gave a shit whether or not I was there paying his salary. No bedside manner whatsoever...and when you're seeing people naked... you need to have SOME...I felt exposed...

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