Night one....

It's a bittersweet kind of night for me tonight. Tonight is my first night sleeping without my little baby boy by my side. He's slept next to me since the day he was born. Even at the hospital when I could let the nursery keep him, I had him in my room with me all the time. He's my little man. I am his mother. However, I know that all good things must come to an end (sniff, sniff) and so tonight, Friday, June 24, 2011 is his first night sleeping in his crib.

I should be sleeping since I'm sure he'll wake up without the feelings, sounds and warmth that he's used to and be in a panic and cry which means that I'll be getting up trying to soothe a little person who doesn't understand... but right now... I'm laying here in bed, propped on pillows with an aching neck missing my little person...

... the little person I watch in the glow of the clock from the FIOS box... I watch him as he soothes himself night after night while he's falling asleep. He'll lay back and fidget with his silky blanket and his snuggle bear. They'll get pushed to one side, they'll get pushed to the other side. He'll sit up a time or two... eventually he'll find that "just right" spot and he'll lay there... and that's when I can lay back and watch him in the glow... watch his hand raise and grab a foot... watch it wave around... watch it pet his silky blanket and generally watch it reach to see where I am... and ultimately rest somewhere on me.

I'm his comfort... he is my joy. And now.... I'm in my bed somewhat lost without him. He's the last one... my last baby... sigh... and now he's on his own, too. And I'm sad.

My mom would just say, "Cut the cord." And, while it's easy to say.... and somewhat easy to do (in all other aspects), I really look forward to these moments that are just he and I... just the two of us...

... and besides, he doesn't snore...