Friday, August 4, 2006

A shopping we will go

Well, it's "Tax Free Weekend" here in the wonderful state of Texas (that's a joke hon... there's not much wonderful about this place). The boys and I got up... age some Lucky Charms, I hopped in the shower and away we went. We went to the North East Mall and hit Foleys... a couple of shirts, couple of t-shirts, few pairs of socks and we were off to The Gap Kids... love this store... cleaned HOUSE! We got camo pants, chinos, 2 pair of jeans, shoes, shirts, underwear and a jacket. The clerk gave me 30% off the entire sale plus no tax... and I was FINISHED with my shopping! Two stores and he's stocked and ready for school! After that we hit the cookie store (like I needed to do that) and then headed to the car. Of course, once we were all buckled in, I realized I'd forgotten to go by JC Penney's and pick up their pictures taht were ready on 7/31 (a little busy that day though) so we drove around the mall and hopped out, ran in and grabbed those... hit Jack in the Box on the way home... ate lunch... put the little man down and voila... time with Josh... he wanted to play Clue, then to relax, then to see if Austin was home... he doesn't really know how to entertain himself much. Sometimes, it's kind of irritating.

Ever had one of those days where everything just seems to irritate you beyond belief? That's me today.... I just haven't been in the mood to be alive today. This infection thing is bothering me -- how bad is it going to get? Is it better? Am I permanently damaged? Will I be able to conceive again? Is my cervix going to require removal of cancerous cells again -- will they be able to get it all? Then there's the always being at home because it's to freakin hot to breathe outside -- that bothers me because contrary to popular belief, I do like to be outside, but not when it's just so Africa hot that it's just ... why shower? I like to be clean..? But you shower and get ready to walk outside and turn into a stinky sweat box. I hate taking multiple showers a day.... doing hair and makeup requires too much time (not really but enough that it irritates me to have to do it over and over again) but who wants to go out looking like crap because you're too lazy to do anything... it's such a catch 22...why do I give a flip? I have no idea!

Then... my little dog is gone.... I am getting better... but I have moments.... like today when her photos that I took of Josh and me and Gidget came in the mail. I still remember that last big hug... and her nervous little tail... and the guilt that fills my heart.

I hate living in Texas... ok -- hate is a strong word -- but I'd give up half of what I own to live somewhere that is more conducive to actually being outdoors... my "one day" just isn't ever going to come... so when do you be proactive for the things YOU want instead of being on everyone else's agenda? I feel today like I'm going back down that spiral faster than I ever did.... I hated being that low and have no clue what's triggered it off again today... but it feels nothing will satisfy my desire for happiness. When does my happily ever after start?

Today has been a day of trials and tears... and I'm ready for it to be over with. I'm in a daze so I'm going to much for scrapping.. I"m just not in the flippin mood.

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