Thursday, June 28, 2007

One Sided Friendships -- and a galaxy far, far away

I had a good friend (or so I thought) at one point in my life. We were neighbors, our sons were best friends, we were scrapbooking buddies... I had thought that we'd really established some roots to a friendship that would really last through whatever might come... I was wrong. She moved. First she moved up north... we stayed in contact. Josh missed his friend and they spoke on the phone a few times. He was really too young to grasp the concept of a long distance friendship since children are general of the mindset of immediate gratification (aren't we all?) She had come to town while I was out of town one weekend... she phoned me while I was on the road back to town and I had hoped to hook up with her and spend a little time catching up. Unfortunately, my car had other ideas and I had to drive to the dealership IMMEDIATELY. If I'd turned my car off, it wouild not have started again. I was losing power intermittently on the drive back. It was kind of scary. I went to the dealership iand just literally was wanting to get home and just unwind. I'd been gone in Oklahoma all weekend, was stressed out, tired and just needed to see my kiddos. I forgot to call her when I got to the house... and I think she just never forgave me... I'd sent e-mails, placed phone calls, sent Christmas cards... nothing.

Out of the blue a few weeks ago, she telephoned. I unknowingly answered the telephone b/c I didn't recognize the number. She proceeded to say, "Hi April, it's ____, are you home? I was goign to run the money by for working on the house." I was like did you realize you just called April in Texas? Because I certainly haven't been near your house to do any work. :) She laughed, was a little embarrassed, made about 15 seconds of small talk and said she'd call back and we could catch up. She never did. She hadn't called in over a year, why would I expect it now?

So, I'm an administrator on a trivia site that I run for my friends... and realized that she took time... EVERY DAY to log on and play this stupid trivia .. but she couldn't take two seconds of her time to just shoot me an email and say, hey, how are you?" So yes, I went in and deleted her and banned her IP address from the site. I'm just so tired of one sided friendships... for me and my family. I want friendships that are enriching -- for me and for them. I want to be a good friend... I want my children to see me be a good friend and to know what it means TO be a good friend. I want to lead by example. I think one of those examples is to also let them know how to understand when you're the only one perpetuating a relationship and that sometimes, you just have to cut your losses and move on. It's a hard fact of life, but I chose to do that.

It's not two days later... and guess who calls me up out of the blue.... it was actually completely taken aback and beyond irritated that it took me banning her from a site I run to actually evoke any type of a frienship-like response from her... which then sends out the message that I want to be your friend when I have something to gain from it (i.e., you letting me back on your site). So that's not a friendly call... yes, she called both home and cell. How bizarre... I just don't even want to bother with the time of day for that.

My son, Josh has had to make the same type of decision here lately. There are two boys that live on our street... and he said that one of them (a boy that is older) told him that he didn't want to be his friend or play with him anymore because he wanted to play with kids his own age... mind you, he has had no problem the entire school year playing with him...but it IS his decisions. So, as Josh wants to go out and play and wants to go invite him to play, I have to remind him ... it's a one sided friendship... and when he's ready to be your friend, maybe he will come back and ask you to play but until then, just let him do his thing and you do yours. Maybe they'll meet back up in the middle, and maybe they wont... but you've been a good friend and that's all you can do. So, I've been proud of him for understanding such a grown up concept at a young 8 years of age. :) Boy the do have to grow up fast don't they?

Speaking of Josh, he had a buddy spend the night last night. They had a BLAST playing in the rain (yes, we've had like two feet of rain in the last 30 minutes (not really but it feels like it)... they went to the "playground" (as Drew likes to call it) and in the rain decided to blast down the slide... which had a puddle of water at the end and that turned into a puddle of mud. They were COVERED with mud...but were having a BLAST... they watched one of the original Star Wars (they're the only REAL Star Wars aren't they?) and then they went to bed. I got them up in time to eat some cereal, let in the housekeeper and then we jetted off to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History for the Star Wars Exhibit. Should I have taken my camera? Sure... the exhibits were AWESOME...but putting up with Drew during the whole thing was a WHOLE other story. He's been really whiney lately... maybe he realizes it sucks getting older! Ha! Turning 3 is hard to do! He's going to have to bounce for it! But this, today, was his first time to go to a movie.... an OMNI movie! He lasted about 24 minutes... until he was done, pretty much begging to go home, wanting a nap, wanting to leave. I was waiting for him to toss his popcorn, binkie, drink... anything but he didn't. When the movie was finally over, thank goodness, we started our ascent up the stairs to the exit at the top of the theater he was whining because he wanted to see the dolphins again...then he cried because he wanted to walk... then he cried because he was being crowded in the mass exodus and got frustrated someone ELSE (how dare they) were attempting to hold the very hand rail he was holding! I realized, it was just time to go. We loaded up and headed for home. I'm glad Josh had a good friend there to view the exhibits with since if he'd just been with Drew and I ... it would have been just sporadic and bizarre. :)

At the museum, Drew was enthralled with Chewy... he LOVED seeing "Darf Gay-ger" Sounds like some homo-porn title huh? Ha! He was also transfixed with some white snow beast "thing" that had pretty intense claws. I think he thought it was a real "animal" in a cage and was waiting for it to move. I wish I'd taken my camera... just to get some of his reactions if nothing else. But alas, the Canon SLR Digital Rebel is just so bulky and hard to transport that I tend NOT to take it with me b/c of having to tote everything else... it's just annoying.

So, I called Canon tonight.... found two cameras that I think would serve me well.... the one I really want is the Canon Powershot S5 IS. The zoom capacity on this is SICK man.... just awesome... it's got an image stabilizer... fastest processor.... (no lag time).... I'm going to go try one out if I can find a retailer that has it. The other one that I found that would work well, had less than half the zoom capabilities of this one...and if you know me and my photographic needs -- I gotta have zoom. I LOVE my zoom! AND with going to Disney World in October... I need something smaller and transportable. :) It also has the ability to take self portraits.... you can hold it out... turn the LCD screen around and point it towards you so you can see it and click... :) How fun woudl that be to get great mom/kid shots?! :)

Anyway, it's late... just thought I'd blab... and boy did I! :) Toodles...

Tomorrow and this weekend, my Memory Makers Master work will be completed along with my The Scrapbook Club Design Team entry! :) WISH ME LUCK!


Amanda Dykan said...

AMEN sister! What a great blog. I'm linking you to mine...

Amanda D

Anonymous said...

Oh April, you have NO idea how you just hit the nail on it's head! I have (HAD) a friend who basically replaced me with another who could spend more money on her and buy her things and pay for things for her, etc... You get my drift.
Our sons were best of friends for several years and I tried to keep it going, but like you... I realized that it was one sided and I thought to myself one day, I will give her one more chance and if she doesn't reciprocate with meeting me half way, then we are done! Well, guess what! I have not heard from her. No phone call, just an occasional forwarded e-mail joke. My son asks for her son all the time and it breaks my heart when I have to tell him that we can't go over there. He just doesn't understand and I dont want to say anything ugly about them, so I just always make up some excuse as to why we cant go over there. I tried to make it work, because I missed our friendship too but after realizing what was more important to her... I thought to myself, with friends like that, who needs enemies? I dont need people like that in my life and I choose to not deal with people like that, so with that said... the friendship is over and has been over for a while now. I even vowed to myself that I would be a better friend to my other friends and I have a GREAT group of friends who are truly friends.
By the way, I live in Keller too. Maybe we can meet and become friends? I have 2 girls and 1 boy. The girls are 15 1/2 and 9 and my boy is 5 1/2.

Stamp Your Art Out said...

I'm tagging you! Tell us 7 things about yourself and then tag 7 others.

p.s. I totally had a friend like this too! No fun.