Ebb and Flow and being Under the Influence

I am an inconsolable insomniac... it wasn't until this year that I was learning that it really WASN'T normal to have so many thoughts that you just couldn't hit the pause button in your mind long enough to go to freakin sleep. It literally was it's own form of bondage, insanity and entrapment. You're bonded by the bed... you need to be there and know your existence outside that safe haven will mean you're making "noise" that will wake up the boys in the house... no one wants grumpy testosterone producers... especially if they're over 3. LOL... the Under 3 I can deal with but darnit if I'm just fresh out of those... so you can't really get up and do laundry, run the vacuum, rearrange furniture, etc. without wakin up the little men of the house. And that's just rude, so I shouldn't, so I don't, but then I'd be LAYING there hoping that the brief respite I just obtained was somewhat longer than the 3 minute one I just had 11 minutes before thinking that it'd actually been at least 80 minutes...looking at the clock... no... yes... maybe...Oh yes. ... I'd temporarily slept about 16 minutes... I was almost excited but ??? now what was I to do for all the REST of the night. It became this vicious never-ending cycle of "I want to sleep dag nabbit!" so along comes Ambien CR. Yes, it's a hypnotic... yes' you do and say some crazy @%#( on it... but once you feel that first wave hit... you know to go to bed... the weirdness is upon you. Unfortunately, that's the time -- most times -- that I feel the need to write ... be it blog, journal, thank you notes, you name it... I'm wanting to share the love with everyone has... no NEEDS to hear whatever it is that I'm spewing out. It's pretty ridiculous... why yes, I've already taken them tonight before I finish this entry... so good luck -- did you get your April Decoder Ring on? :) Heh Maybe I should revive the doors... I could write some pretty "out there" lyrics too... just gotta find me a band to indulge my temporary insanity. ;) because I swear in the a.m. I'm completely lucid and you'd never know what even talking about. It's just humorous and I know it all means GO TO SLEEP..but I just fight it (like now). :)

I guess it's the ebb and flow of an insomniac's life... trying to not need medication.... and then dealing with them when you are on them.

The other big news for tonight -- my handsome prince is home. He had abou 4-5 gate changes the instant he landed but whoo hoo...he called and got us hooked up with the right gate... I was trying to "pump Drew up" so that when he saw Josh he would just flip and when he did see him, it was SO precious and so spontaneous... he screamed "DOSH" and ran full throttle and just enbraced him with a big, tackling hug. He missed his dosh. He was so excited and he took his rolly bag from him so that he wouldn't have to pull it himself. I was so excited to see my big boy... just gave him a big hug...noticed the uneven burr his dad gave him (grrrrrrr)... got his bags and headed to the Rainforest Cafe. This was a treat for both of the b/c Josh loves the place, I have the distraction of the... entire JUNGLE for my 3 year old... and it's loud so if he starts reallllllyy getting whiney... it just he blends in with the noise! I need something like that for my house! But Josh is home... it was so great to hear that silly little giggle he has...

got home, wayyyy late for Drew ... wanted to rock a little. .. Josh loved his playroom (border up)... loved his desk and computer in his own room... :) it'll be a great treat for him ...and he gets to sleep in tomorrow. :)

Goodnight my little man, welcome home!