Wednesday, July 15, 2009

News du jour

"du jour" Makes me sound kinda fancy there don't it? Well, trust me -- I'm NOT! :) I've got a mess of a head of hair that is, for now, routinely pulled back in a pony tail. My house looks like something exploded in just about every room (How does a kitchen go from neat to disaster in ONE DAY? HOW??) I'm supposed to go to a stupid high school reunion for my other half this weekend and I have ZERO desire to be there... did I mention I have nothing to wear and haven't had a hair cut in over a year? OK... it may be more like 9 months but you get the idea... it's been a WHILE!

But, du jour sure makes things sound fancy. Kind of like that scene on Dumb and Dumber where they're in the restaurant with "Sea Bass" and they ask the waitress, "What's the soup du jour?" She (in her best Flo comeback) says, "It's the soup of the day." Jim Carey ponders for a milisecond and then says, "MMmmm that sounds good. I think I'll have some of that." LOL... I just LOVE that scene! :) Makes me smile.

Today was a fun day. I picked up one of Drew's best buds and we went to see a movie (Kitt Kittredge) -- I could have the spelling off a little. If ANYONE has kids over 5, they need to see this movie. It was FANTASTIC! I even got teary eyed several times throughout. It's an amazing journey of a little girl and her family during the Great Depression (yeah, talk about teaching some hard lessons in a way your kids can relate... especially in times like these!) and how she helps solve a mystery. She has a goal to be a reporter for the Cincinnati Register. It's really a great heartwarming story of how the good prevails and the bad guys lose. I highly encourage everyone to see it!

After that we went to McDonalds. I was STARVING so I got a grilled chicken salad (BARF!) Don't ever waste your money. It was pretty darn gross. Besides, I'm not a big fan of iceburg lettuce unless it's a wedge salad covered in some excrutiatingly rich, creamy dressing! So, pass on the Micky D salads.

We then came back to the house and I let them play for a while... and they went out back to slip and slide. Did Drew want the slip n slide that was already inflated and ready to go? OH HECK NO... he wanted his mom sitting for 20 minutes huffing and puffing away to use his NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW one. UGH...the things we do for these kids!

Austin left and then my dad came by to drop off cashola to reimburse for using the AmEx card to buy floor tickets to see Sir Paul McCartney (no thanks) in August. You had to have an AmEx card to get in on the presale.

I had afternoon carpool duty picking up Josh and a friend of his and his sister from College for Kids at Tarrant County College. So far he's REALLY enjoyed this. IT's the reason he's home during July b/c he's usually with his bio dad this time of the year. He was ESTATIC the first day -- had an issue the second -- and so far he's really enjoyed it.

This week, however, he hasn't seem as elated so I got nosy. So I ask, "Josh, what's up with you and Jackson?" (his friend). I've never understood the friendship (if that's what you even want to call it) because it, like a couple of others, seems so one sided (Josh is a great friend, others just arent). Most of Josh's close friends from youth moved to other states so his "inner circle" of friends (like I and most people my age had as kids -- you know, when the world didn't seem to move quite as fast and be quite as transient), will have to be an ever-evolving one. It's hard and it's sad, but it's a matter of fact.

Josh said that when he was trying to walk to and from classes that he and his friend Jackson had together that Jackson was calling him a loser and telling him to "quit following me." ???? How is he following you when you're walking to the same building?

It makes me angry because Josh was always taught to not say things just with the intention of hurting people's feelings. But then kids are such butt-heads and do stuff like that and then I'm having to explain to MY kids how sometimes the world is unfair.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. Always keep your words sweet because one day you may have to eat them. Those are mantras spoken frequently around my casa.

However, upon hearing this little scenario... and also how when Josh attempted to sit with Jackson at lunch, Jackson told him to go somewhere else... I'm sorry, my mamabear instinct is kicking in.

I don't want Josh to feel like he has no friends especially in a place like that where he's surrounded by hundreds of kids but still feels so alone. I asked him if he'd told Jackson that what he's saying and how he's acting hurts his feelings? He said no. I said, well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that Jackson is no mind reader so unless you tell him what's here (point at heart) and here (point at head), then he won't really know that he's doing anything more than gettin' your goat.

However, sometimes, the fangs do come out. I'm human...

I said, tell me... how do you think he's acting? Josh said he was being a jerk. I said... SO TELL HIM! Call him on it! Don't let him get away with thinking it's okay to treat you OR ANYONE like taht.

If you get to class before him tomorrow then you don't let him sit with you... or you go find someone else to sit with. Just ask someone, "Can I sit here?" and then sit if they say yes. Then just smile and say, "Hi, I'm Josh, what's your name?" I told him to find someone to befriend that perhaps doesn't have a buddy (like he was SUPPOSED to) in that class. Some of my best friendships developed this way. I know it works... but I told him that friendships, even new ones have to start somewhere. :)

I also told him that if he felt he was owed an apology that he should tell Jackson. He muttered something like he's owed probably 50 apologies and I quickly corrected him that in friendships -- even one sided ones, you don't keep score. Especially if you're not being communicative as to what is troubling you. If you never tell them what's on your heart... good, bad or indifferent, they'll never know FOR SURE that they really should think twice about acting in a certain way. I told Josh that you need to forgive... but not forget. I told him there is a saying "forgive and forget" but there's also a saying that is wrong me once, shame on you. Wrong me twice -- shame on me. So, you need to really live and learn (boy was I full of cliches tonight or what?) so tell your expectations and then be ready to just let it all go if you get one. ... But as far as an apology, not to demand one but just call him on his crappy behavior... something to the effect that, "Look Jackson, you've been a real jerk to me the past few days and it's really hurt my feelings. Friends don't treat friends like that. So, either you want to be my friend or you don't but until you give me a real apology, you can find somewhere else to sit too!"

I told him that he has to let people know when they've wronged him because a) it's therapy to get it out and off your chest and b) you've done all you can do at that point... you've communicated what was on your heart and you've given them their condition. However, you always have to be prepared taht they're going to be a butthead and just think that it's okay for them to act like that. And if they do feel that way... then perhaps they're not as good of a friend as you may have thought. No one needs friends like taht... because a friend doesn't do that. I said that friends are there to build one another up, not tear them down.

You know, this is one of those quandries that I feel that a lot of homeschoolers get pushed into a corner about -- is my child now unsocialized because I've pulled him out of the brick and mortar school? Is it possibly HIM that's not responding well to this because he's not getting exposure to his "peers" and blah blah blah. Well, if this is how his PEERS are going to act, do you really think I'd want to have him exposed to that all the time? I know TOO WELL how kids will pick up the BAD BEHAVIORS of OTHER children too well (that's a whole other post with Drew and his friend.. UGH).

I want him to have creative freedom, to learn and grow and be in healthy, loving relationships with his family and friends. I see that many of the "friends" he made at his brick and mortar school were false friends or just friends of convenience and I'm glad that through SCOUTING he's made some great friends. TGFS! (Thank God For Scouting!)

... boy I went off on a rant didn't I?

So... after we got home from the afternoon carpool, I started dinner and the boys went outside to play on Drew's new slip and slide. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Drew requested a salad -- apples, carrots, peppers (bell peppers) and broccoli. LOL. He's so cute!

Then it was Pixos time! Grandma's Pixos present RULES! That is one of Drew's FAVORITE birthday presents!!! Then it was time for bed and now I'm going to follow behind them. :)

Thanks to all my REAL friends out there.


MaryC said...

I can so totally relate to the Josh story, on a personal level and because of my grandson Jacob. He too is tender hearted and usually only hangs with one kid. If that kid is a jerk, he gets messed around all the time. Finally, he has found a kid to hang with at school now who is a really good kid. I hope Josh does too.

chksngr said...

Teaching him to say how he feels and in a way that is just the facts is such a powerful lesson. How many relationship problems would be bannished from existence if we all taught our children to be this honest and factual in their relationships right from the beginning.