Tuesday, March 9, 2010

And so the pity party shifts....

This is my son, Joshua's, first attempt at tackle football ever. And after my whiny, pity party about 30 minutes ago... which led to a pregnancy-hormone-induced-tear-factory moment for about ... oh.... 30 seconds give or take. I realized, I hate being held hostage by my hormones. Seriously, it's NO BIG DEAL?! WHO CARES if the meat is gone. Everyone's fed. Is it something you wanted to make? No... but WHO CARES?! Why am I -- all of a sudden -- sweating the small stuff when I'm the first one to say, "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF." I hate not being in control of my hormones. Is this what you feel like when you "lose it." I mean, what IS "it" that you have to worry about losing?

And WHO, in their right mind, would give it to a pregnant woman to keep up with? DO you not remember -- whoever you are -- that I am the one that (while on full-on-baby-brain) puts the milk in the pantry, repeatedly walks into rooms and then forgets why I'm there, fills the washer and the soap and softener reservoirs and then forgets to turn it on. Yes, why would you give "IT" to ME to keep up with right now anyway? Shouldn't my interior come with some sort of Velcro or Gorilla Glue to keep "it" where "it's" supposed to be? You'd think so!

But alas -- I digress -- (isn't that just typical of me? ha ha) Josh walks in and I ask him, "So, how'd practice go." His face didn't return any sort of positive expression. In fact, he looked downright sad. He is such a people pleaser. He is SO not the aggressive type of person. He is SO more concerned with hurting some one's feelings rather than getting his own hurt. He is SO not the pushy person to get in some one's face to get the answer to his question. He felt like the only new person on his team. Apparently, his coach passes out the play cards at practice and then takes them back up but he hasn't had a chance to a) learn the lingo since he's new to football and b) learn the plays (since he only gets to see the plays while at practice).

The poor child felt so lost and so sad and so much like he let everyone down that he didn't have any fun at all. He was sad, mad, frustrated and felt like he wasn't able to be heard. I went over to just hold him while he broke down into sobs... and he stood there stoically... wouldn't even hug me back. I don't know if he felt like he knew he shouldn't cry or he was just so afraid he couldn't force himself to stop if he actually held onto me.

My heart just broke for him.

I did write the coach an e-mail and asked for the play book so that we could learn it. Hopefully, he will be a little more accommodating to a bigger person than one of his "kids" that he's trying to instruct.

So, it's quite easy to shift that whole pity party thing I had into a "how stupid was I for even having a second to feel like that" when my baby is upset and hurting. It's called being a mother.

I'm at that stage where Josh is 10. It's like... he's becoming the person he is going to be. I'm married to a man that was someone who lived and breathed football since he was 8. He is an aggressive personality as well. Josh is more of a renaissance man -- he likes music, art, the outdoors and just playing around with his friends. He loves science and history. He's not a "typical jock" kid. He's not a "geek" or a "nerd"... he's just "Josh" and I want him to evolve into whatever he is going to be, not because he feels like he needs to do it to connect with someone, but because THAT is who HE wants to be.

I love that he's not afraid to show his emotion... and to know that it's really okay to cry sometimes. And sometimes, you'll feel better if you just let it all out. I know I did earlier. Sometimes, you just have to be frustrated.... get it out and then get on with it.

I hear him laughing right now from upstairs... and that makes my heart feel good. I just received an e-mail from his coach, too, and he's going to e-mail out the playbooks to everyone tonight or tomorrow so he won't feel overwhelmed anymore. Big sigh of relief.

Mama bear will retract the claws now... this too has passed. :)


Keli said...

He sounds like an amazing kid. I'm glad everything worked out with his coach. Now good luck learning the plays! That's the only thing I'm worried about with my big man wanting to play football - the plays. Luckily we still have at least a year or two before that happens. :)

MaryC said...

First, the hormones...if you think it's bad now, wait for menopause. At least you can blame being pregnant. At menopause you are just some crazy old lady on a rampage.
Second, if it makes him so miserable, why is he playing football? Just because his dad is into it, doesn't mean the kid will be. Why can't he learn guitar or take Karate or something? Just my opinion. It's not fun growing up doing something you are never going to be good at because you don't enjoy it. I know.
Hugs, girlfriend.

chksngr said...

I have one of those...a non-aggressive music, dance, books, science, hanging outside kind of kids...I love that he will bust out with "MOM! I LOVE YOU!" randomly from the toy room or that he will just start singing wherever he is. My hubs said, "I hope he likes sports." I said, "He's definitely athletic, but what if he doesn't like team sports? WHat if he like climbing or running or something like that?" His response, "Honey, you just don't understand" I love that Josh doesn't want to inconvenience anyone...poor guy. Still, if you can get that play book, I'm sure he'll be able to get all the plays down in no time!