Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You know you're old when...

... you don't understand, agree with or even particularly like the fashion trends of the younger crowd.

Case in point --> the skinny jean.
Even IF you're a size 2 and small enough to wear them, you just exacerbate the fact that you're malnurished or appear anorexic. Girls, if you're risking a yeast infection in the name of fashion -- grow a brain! However, not to be outdone by the smaller crowd, you are always going to have the oversized fashionista (who made up that word anyway? It's stupid, too, just sayin') wannabes who TRY to squeeze into the skinny jeans.

I think they should blame this epidemic on the fact that skinny jeans come in sizes... well, that they simply shouldn't! Manufacturers are put under pressure because to NOT make them in obscene sizes means they're not being equal opportunity money makers. They're not "politically correct." They're pressured to make a size for everyone when fashion is clearly NOT a "one trend fits all" world. Skinny jeans are kind of like spandex -- it's a privilege, NOT a right!

Case in point --> a decorated butt.
I don't know who started the craze of tramp-stamping everything but having stuff written across the backside... you know like "Juicy" or "Lucky"... it's just inappropriate. You're not supposed to be drawing attention to things like that... especially in the sizes of clothes that they HAVE them adorned across which is for kiddos that are clearly minors.

But then you could possibly have the creme de la creme... the decorated butt skinny jean! Wouldn't it just be -- THE BOMB!?!

Seriously, though, the pocket placement on these types of jeans isn't fashionable -- for anyone. It makes you look like your cheeks are down the back of your leg. They're ugly. They're not flattering and just because you pay too much for them doesn't make them okay.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of the high-waisted "mom jean" either. OH wait, you're not sure just what a "mom jean" is? Here, see the SNL skit on them. It's some funny stuff! I just think a nice pair of jeans... should just be a nice pair of jeans. Not too tight, not too loose, not too high, not too low, not too... anything... just a nice pair of jeans.

Case in point --> The hip hugger jean:
This trend only gets worse when you pair it WITH the skinny jean and/or the decorated butt. Nine times out of ten, the hip hugger jeans are worn by someone who feels that if they can suck in, button and zip the fly, then... "surprise" they fit. WRONG! And stand back, there's even an entire website dedicated to the muffin top. Click here to see. I'm relieved to know, however, that I'm not the only one who notices this trend.

Case in point --> odd colored toe and finger nails
Again, something that I just am not down with. Fingernails should be painted traditional colors. I'm not into the whole blue, green, black nail trend. I can't stand to look down at my nails and not see something remotely "feminine." Red. Red is a good color for nails. Shades of pink... hey, how about a French manicure? But the clear polish and purple glitter on the tips.. it's distracting and, well, it's ugly. Day-Glow orange on toes isn't flattering either. Check out this site that has some of the trending fashions for manicures. And I'm sorry, but the black "moons" make you look diseased. THEY ARE UGLY! Clear nails? you SEE how gross your fingers look beneath that? I just wonder how much of that chemical leaches into your body... it can't be healthy.

Case in point --> Aviator Jackets Oh yes, Top Gun fans, your day has come... BACK. Aviator jackets are once again, back in style. Yippie! Go grab your highway patrolman glasses, don that bomber jacket and you're stylin'!

I can just see you now in your wedge shoes, skinny, hip-huggin' butt decorated jeans wearing your black tipped nails... wow...aren't you a sight for sore eyes?

Case in point --> Gigantic purses I don't understand what in the world one person could need so badly that it's worth risking a slipped disk just so that you have it all available in your purse. At the ready. Just in case. What are you, freakin' Mary Poppins? Do not live by the "what if" syndrome. If you think you may need something, keep it in a PERMANENT place in your car so that if that "what if" moment happens to arrive, you can easily get to it. I've seen saddle bags smaller than most purses that are "stylish" by today's market.

While we're on the purse topic, I also don't like the fact that it's apparently "in" to have the manufacturer's logo stamped all over it. Who cares that you paid waaaay too much money for your purse. It just shows you paid waaaaay too much money for it. Coach used to make some beautiful, classic purses. They're all ghetto'd out now. What IS up with that?

Case in point --> Peep toe shoes
Why in the world women wear stiletto heels with peep toe shoes. Do they think it's really fashionable to have two toes just poppin' out the end of a shoe? It's like your feet have buck teeth! COVER THAT CRAP UP! And, while I'm on the topic of ugly shoes, anything worn that even resembles anything on the foot of Lady Gaga... it's ugly. And ridiculous.

I just... I am continually blown away by the fact that some people think that just because you pay too much for something makes it fashionable. And people think the more things that they put together that cost too much money make you even more fashionable. Paying too much for "fashion" doesn't make you any more "fashionable" than standing in a produce aisle makes you a carrot. It's like thinking that buying a fast car will make you a race car driver. Or buying a karoke machine will turn you into Celine Dion. Or buying a Weight Watchers cookbook will make you skinny. I could go on all day with these analogies.

I feel fortunate that my eldest son is still of the age to just be grateful that he has clothes and doesn't really care where they come from. We stick to traditional fare. You know, the plain polo-type shirt, Old Navy jeans (love the adjustable waist) and a shoe du jour. He isn't into all the style-crazed stuff stamped with flames, skulls, crosses, bling, rips and tears. I don't know if I could handle having a boy that was a fashion slave wanting to shop at AE and A&F and Hollister (or whatever that place is called) yet.

I haven't stepped foot in a mall... to shop... in years. I like online ordering. It's fast, it's efficient and it keeps me out of the stores like the ones mentioned above. Have you been in one lately? The last time I was in an Abercrombie and Fitch store, it stunk so badly of men's cologne, I almost went into asthmatic spasms just breathing the air... and I'm NOT asthmatic!

Oh, trust me, I'm no idiot. I know the day will come that he wishes to up his fashion ante in the name of looking good for the ladies... but for now, I'm thankful that he's a boy that doesn't care to shop (because his momma certainly hates it).

Drew is just excited right now to get the new hand-me-downs that are size 6 out of the attic for HIM to wear. It's like a whole new wardrobe for him overnight. He's having fun flipping through the t-shirts and jeans. Little does he know we'll have to break into the tubs of 7's for pants because he's so tall!

And Ben... well, he's lucky to get out of his pajamas on a daily basis.

Just keepin' it real folks... just keepin' it real.


chksngr said... frickin' make me LAUGH! Why? CUZ I have a huge purse (though not a satchel big enough for my laptop...), aviator sun glasses (I gave up my top-gun jacket LONG ago!), hip hugger jeans (I'm actually short waisted, so these don't usually hit my hip...they hit just below my belly button), peep-toe shoes (although mine are not super high-heeled, just around 2 1/2 inches), AND odd colored toes (I don't wear nail polish on my fingernails, only my toe nails). Crap...I think I violated most of your rules...I REFUSE to do skinny jeans, although I do have some leggings that I wear with flats and tunic-style tops and sweaters. There are some things from the 80's that I like...Ok...but seriously, not most of it. I just wish whomever thought the 80's should come back would have stayed in their little fantasy land.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

hehe you freaking crack me up. So I so thought of you this weekend. I was at Ross. In the check out line saw the jeans with the white thread that have been bedazelled. And guess who turns around oh yes a lady that had to be in her 50's! Then her daughter turned around bam she had them too. I almost died!

Ok I do have a big purse that I carry my laptop in everyonce in awhile but I must admit I don't need it all the time ... lol

brandt! said...

OH NOOOOO!! I found a discrepancy with you .. but that's okay .. I will still like you!! Peep toes .. love them! I love high heels .. all kinds ..

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I'm not a fan of anything written on one's bum. My neighbor and fellow SAHM has a bright green pair of pants that say "pink" on the bum.